blessing

I love my family so much and wanted to share a couple great pictures. I am so thankful for such a great family and support system in my life. Thanks, Jesus.

...:::{He is great}:::...

Take, me, make me
All You want me to be
That's all I'm asking, all I'm asking

Welcome to this heart of mine
I've buried under prideful vines
Grown to hide the mess I've made
Inside of me
Come decorate, Lord
Open up the creaking door
And walk upon the dusty floor
Scrape away the guilty stains
Until no sin or shame remain
Spread Your love upon the walls
And occupy the empty halls
Until the man I am has faded
No more doors are barricaded

Chorus:
Come inside this heart of mine
It's not my own
Make it home
Come and take this heart and make it
All Your own
Welcome home

Take a seat, pull up a chair
Forgive me for the disrepair
And the souvenirs from floor to ceiling
Gathered on my search for meaning
Every closet's filled with clutter
Messes yet to be discovered
I'm overwhelmed, I understand
I can't make this place all that You can

I took the space that You placed in me
Redecorated in shades of greed
And I made sure every door stayed locked
Every window blocked, and still You knocked

Take me, make me
All You want me to be
That's all I'm asking, all I'm asking

**This song came to my mind the other night suddenly. I knew I needed to listen to it because I couldn't remember how it actually went or what the lyrics were. It's written by Shaun Groves, "Welcome Home". The words are amazing and spoke to my heart in a deeper sense than I've ever gotten from this song before. I've been in real need of wanting God to heal me through a couple of my struggles that seem to creep up on me in the most ridiculous times. I've been learning that what is head knowledge and beliefs to me are sometimes only head knowledge and hasn't become completely a part of my heart yet. I was discussing this with a friend and I've realized this could be one of the hardest things we ever struggle with. And we know what we truly believe in our hearts compared to our heads because it'll show us through our trials, temptations, and tough challenges. What we truly believe will come out of us then. I know I have a lot of work to do- while I "let" God use His power inside of me as well. Like this song says "I took the space that You placed in me; Redecorated in shades of greed; And I made sure every door stayed locked; Every window blocked, and still You knocked." I think I have many of my windows shut and locked with maybe half a door open. Why isn't is so easy to open up everything and just let Jesus do what He came to do!?

I never thought of our "heart" as having halls, walls, doors, and windows. How many of our halls are empty? How many of the walls of security are standing up a little too strong? How many doors are open wide? Are our windows blocked?

It all makes sense! Come in a fill the halls with your presence. Occupy yourself in every room. Write yourself on the walls. Open up the doors with door stoppers- maybe nail them open!? Father, break the walls of shame, embarassment, pride, selfishness, and judgemental attitude DOWN. Instead, take over with your love, redemption and grace. Cover me with your peaceful Spirit and your calming presence. But the thing is that we can't do it on our own. We can't make it such a place that our Savior can. Only He can! That is what is so great about Him! If we try and fill our heart by ourselves, it will be full of mess and clutter and everything else of this world that has no eternal value or everlasting effect. It's time for a rennovation and a remodel...what do you say?

tough days

I have to admit that I haven't had the greatest time on my break off from school. For one thing, I don't really have a job to keep me busy, but doing house work for a lady in town a couple hours a week. The rest of the time I am either watching movies, reading, scrapping, working on a friend's wedding album, playin' around on facebook and email, writing new blogs, etc., you get the idea. It has been tough to not have a specific and detailed schedule everyday. It makes me life almost chaotic.

What's been bugging me the most is that I know I've been lacking spiritually. Not giving God my time. Being selfish. Letting flesh take over my life. It's so much easier to keep an appointment with my Father when I am in school- sounds crazy, but it is. It's probably been one of the toughest 2 weeks I've been through in the last 6 months. I am so ready to go back to school and challenge my thoughts as well as beliefs. I am so ready to be with my friends again and be able to share my heart with them. I can kind of call my dorm room "home"...in a sense that I don't feel like i have a set "home" right now through college.

Yes it is nice to be lazy for a couple days, but boy it just gets SOO old after a couple of days.

Not only am I ready to go back to school, but because the sooner school starts the sooner I will be on my way to Africa! What an absolute dream come true.

I LOVE YOU JESUS!

...:::^perfect.love^:::...

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone
To have a deep soul relationship with another
Be loved thoroughly and exclusively.
But God, to a Christian, says:
I want you to be satisfied, fulfilled, and content
With being loved by Me alone
With giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me
With having an intensely personal and unique relationship
With Me alone.
Discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found,
Will you be capable of the best human relationship
That I have planned for you.

I want you to be united with another after you are united with Me
Exclusive of anyone of anything else,
Exclusive of any other desires or longings.
I want you to stop planning, stop wishing,
And allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing
One that you cannot imagine
I want you to have the best
Please allow Me to bring it to you.
You just keep watching Me, trusting Me
Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am.
Keep listening and learning the things I tell you.
You just wait.
That's all.

Don't be anxious.
Don't worry.
Don't look around at the things
Others have gotten or that I've given them.
Don't look at the things you think you want.
You just keep looking off and up to Me,
Or you'll miss what I want to show you.

And then, when you're ready, I'll surprise you with a love
Far more wonderful than any you would dream of.
You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready,
(I am working even at this moment to have both of you ready at the same time),
Until you are both satisfied exclusively with me and the life I prepared for you,
You won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me.
And this is the Perfect Love.

And dear one, I want you to have the most wonderful love.
I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me,
And to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty,
perfection, and love
That I offer you with Myself.
Know that I love you utterly.
I am God.
Believe and be satisfied.

-author and original title unknown

...'thoughts'...

When I started thinking about more opportunities to serve on a mission trip for next summer, I began looking into South Africa. You may ask 'Why?' I really don't know. The people, the culture, the land gives me a passion that is only from the One. I wanted to work there through another missions organization, but they didn't have a group going out there, and therefore decided I didn't want to fly by myself overseas with little experience flying. This was at the beginning of my new semester @ Grace and I didn't have too many strong friendships yet. I began talking to my cousin's friend who had served in Jeffery's Bay, South Africa for a month through Adventures in Missions. I searched the site for upcoming mission trips next summer: Kenya and Swaziland were available. I honestly had never even heard of Swaziland and began talking about it with Michenzie, Emily's friend. "I want the whole experience", I told her. "I want the cold showers, sleeping on the floors, eating rice for every meal of the day..." I hear about others sleeping in tents for a good 9 months out of the year living like this: testing their faith, relying on the Lord, being dependent on everything God has given them, etc. I want that. It's been my sole desire for quite some time. When will it be my turn to serve the most High in Africa, where people are desperate for hope and something with purpose; where people are drenched in their habitual sin and making the devil smile with laughter. They need us. They need God. They need God through us. My one goal in life is to touch people's lives; I want God to touch their lives through me; I want God to further His Kingdom and save lives, as He desires to, through me, His servant.

I don't know if I'm ready for Swaziland. It still feels like a dream. A small planning of a trip clear ahead in the distance that really isn't going to happen. I'm going to AFRICA! What is amazing is that I haven't found real confirmation/assurance from God Himself that He wants to send me there...until now. I have been raising support for probably not quite 2 months and I am almost half way to my goal. JESUS YOU'RE INCREDIBLE! How does He do it? Why does He bless us so unexpectedly and patiently. I am just so shocked, and more amazed each and every day. I felt God pick me up and hold me in His arms today during the service. It was communion; the piano was played; I was in conversation with my Father; I felt His arms holding me up telling me how much He loves me.

You might ask what am I most afraid about? The suffering. The dying AIDS-victims. Seeing them hold onto their life with no medical help (hardly), and little, if any, people to love and care for them. How am I going to make it through such an experience/sight? This was my original dream, as a nurse of course. Now, I can't imagine I will be amidst this.

...::...More thoughts to come...::...

WINTER:::FORMAL

Michenzie

Amandas (3) & Ari

Mandy & Lisa

Emily (cousins)

Small Tips

It's been tough lately. My support started out strong, I was checking my account everyday and it seemed like it kept rising for a couple weeks. Then I was soo excited! So what happened now? When it's not rolling in week by week, do I just get discouraged and lose my faith? Sometimes I think so. But I've told and I've conversed with God time and time again, "I am giving this all to you. I can't raise $5,000 by myself and you know that. You have all the money in the world because it belongs to you. I'm letting you worry about bringing in the support, while I keep living my life through you. I trust you and I put my whole dependence on you. It is not even an option to worry about this". God said "Let me do this for you". Now that the percentage of support has stayed at the same spot for a couple weeks, is when I've been doubting everything again. The enemy definitely got a hold of my thoughts at that time- but like I learned from my mentor; "bring it on Satan!". Tell the devil to bring it on- do what you think you can do to make me reject God and I will SHOW YOU I BELONG TO HIM because He is faithful. It has been on my mind for a week now- all I care about is what God thinks and how strongly I can stand up for Him.

So my next piece of advice. Where else can I look to make small amounts of money for my missions trip. Another girl who will be going with me to Swaziland has used the smallest way to collect cans and recycle them for a small profit- yes it is so small because you get paid by the pound and pop cans are soo light! But, it helps. I'm still looking around for craft shows for the spring time...I don't know if anymore will come up before May, but I'm sure praying there will be some. I made $350 at my last show, which actually disappointed me a bit. God had a good reason for that though. I'm trusting YOU will bring me through again, Father. What other small ways can I bring support about. My etsy shop has been soo slow, and i've been working on making it more attractive- it's not easy though because there are SOOO many sellers on etsy. Spend $ before you receive, is the philosophy statement I guess.

rich

We are rich.
No matter what you think about how much money you make or all the material things you think you don't have. We are rich.
Most of the world is made up of adults and children living in dirt homes, living in the streets, going from homeless shelter to homeless shelter.
We are rich.
We have clothes on our backs, we have 3 meals a day, we have a roof over our heads, we have beds to sleep in, we have showers to clean up in, we have our own computers-phones-mp3 players-books-decorations-makeup-hair products-stuff that we could live without, but have, unlike most of the world.
We are rich.
We aren't worrying about whether we will get another meal today. We aren't desperate for food and water so badly that we drink out of the sewar. We aren't freezing during the winter while sleeping outside all curled up. We aren't just getting by day to day. We aren't hoping we will get a coat donated to us before the winter hits.
We are rich.
We have so much. We don't even realize how truly blessed we are. We are healthy (most of the time), we get checkups, dentist appointments, we go shopping wanting more and more, we look for bigger and better things, these things consume us as though we are worshiping another god. We have hope, we have joy, we are not thankful for all the things God has given us. We act as though nothing is wrong in this world. Everything is okay, as long as I don't turn up like that man.
We are rich.
We don't even take one look at a homeless person and wonder what their story is. How did they get to living out on the streets? We pass them by...Some of most poor, broken-hearted, hurt, destitute, etc people in this world are actually in God's favor even though we are all loved equally. Jesus says to feed the hungry. Jesus gave his time after time after time to those who have nothing and are at the pit-bottom of their lives.
We are so rich.


"I love you Lord; break me and take me to the deepest places on this earth who need to know what you have done for them. And I will open up my heart, search me in the deepest part; by you, I'm purified"

craftshow.madness

This is what getting ready for a craft show looks like. So much planning and putting stuff together as well as deciding what price seems accurate!
Check it out!

10-15 picture frames Over 20 varied boxes

Miscellaneous CHEAP items

Flowers, Fowers n' Dots, Varied Cards

Clothes-pin Clips: Magnet or not magnet
Over 120!!

Over 25 Large Flowers and more to come!

A little bit of everything including notebooks!

First Craft Show Planning!

Wow, I'm so excited yet so boggled down (is that a word?) with all the planning and things I need to do for my craft show!

Make signs
Put prices on items
Get creative!
Get extra money/change
Table cloths
Boxes
Make more products in 3 weeks
Set up an imitation table
Make a "my.creations" sign
MORE!!!!

I think this will be so much fun though. With all the work and time and LOVE I've put into these items, which I absolutely love doing, I am so pleased and excited and thankful for such an opportunity like this one. I even had this craft show planned before my missions trip opportunity came up. And look where its taking me....God will provide and support me through this as well! I'm so excited for everything I'm looking forward to coming up soon!

.......:::::'hear your heart beat':::::.....

"The more I seek you,
The more I find you
The more I find you,
the more I love you

I wanna sit at your feet
drink from the cup in your hand
Lay back against you and breath, hear your heart beat

This love is so deep, it's more than I can stand

I melt in your peace, it's overwhelming"


I was listening to this song tonight by Kari Jobe. She leads worship down in this huge church in Texas but also does a little bit of traveling with her band. She is amazing. All her songs are so soft and intimate and the words always hit me deeply.
As I was pondering this song I had remembered something my mentor had told me. I explained that most of the time I wonder how can God possibly be that dedicated to me and each one of us when He has 6 billion people in the world to take care of. For some reason I can't seem to understand the fact that He thinks about us MORE than the grains of sand combined. How precious and amazing! But when I mentioned that, she told me something I had never heard before. Something that made me view my personal, eternal, intimate relationship with Jesus on a whole new level. She said "He waits for your phone call. He waits for you to call on Him and to talk to Him just as we wait for a boy on earth to call us. When He answers that phone and sees our name on the caller-id, His heart flutters and beats faster and faster. He gets nervous. He says with excitement 'Oh my, it's my precious daughter calling me'. He waits for that and cherishes it." Think of it as a guy who you have a crush on or want to notice you. You wait for that phone call or for that instant moment of communication with him/her. You become so excited and nervous, your hands sweat, your heart beats crazily.

Except with Jesus and God the Father, it is true love. Can you just picture Him picking up the phone, saying your name out loud and has been waiting for you to call Him.

Now its our turn. Pick up the phone and call Him. Dial Him 24/7.

...life...

Life is complicated. We are blessed and we struggle. We love and we feel jealousy. I hate how I always think I'm becoming stronger through Christ in myself, but then it comes out to mean "I think I'm better than everyone else". Which I know is not true. It's so hard to not to judge people, but just to love them despite their faults.

I've been blessed so many times this year, and yet my friends are hurting, and it hurts me so much because all I want to do is help them. I have been blessed through christian friendships- the real deal. Those who support me and lift me up when I'm struggling. Those who love me for who I am in Christ. Those who pray with me and praise God for the amazing things He does in our lives each and everyday throughout all the students here on campus. I have been blessed with an AMAZING opportunity to serve the Swazi people next summer. Something I have always dreamed of, now God I'm relying on you to make it happen.

Ever since I've started college, 1 1/2 yrs ago, I have noticed an empty feeling inside of myself. Those who read this probably know me well, because most don't even know I have a blog (ha). Well, anyways, so I grew up without a father (and brother passed away as well), something that grows deeper everytime i hear one of my friends talk about their dad and how they miss him and always sit on his lap and just talk. Alot of students here are close to their fathers. Now, I do have a father-figure in my life right now. But I didn't for around 8 years, which is probably when I needed one the most. This is why I feel like something is missing. Is it me or is it the fact that because I didn't grow up with a father, I missed out on that connection we're supposed to have with the opposite sex. I'm not talking about dating; I'm talking about everyday conversations and friendships. Why exactly it is this way? I'm not sure at all...I have been searching and seeking for an answer but have not found one. So, guys, bare with me. Don't get me wrong though, I have a wonderful step-father who supports my family in every way possible and I am so grateful for him in our life, but if he would have been there when I was five, maybe things would have turned out differently. Yet, isn't that questioning God's will? God's plan? His reason, His perfect time, His perfect ways?

Wow, I can't believe I just shared all this out loud on my blog for everybody to see.

Well, for now, I should probably head to bed.

///swazi///

So I had my interview today. It went so well I was so full of joy because God gave me the words to speak and to show my passion through my words to the interviewer. I was so very pleased. And I was told right over the phone that I was accepted into AIM and onto the team to Swazi. Wow. I cannot even believe this! Now, I need to just keep constantly praying for support. Doubts run across my mind ever so often, but I'm keeping them out as best as I can. God has been providing in the smallest ways through my crafts, and I know He will help me in the days and months to come! If you read this, please keep praying for me.

/:..:::...``praise``...:::...:/

So many things have been going on in my life lately. The school year started slow, but now life is getting hectic and crazy and we have more to do and more to study. I have almost 3 jobs now!! Ha, definitely not what I was looking for but I know I will grow in each and enjoy each of them. I got a job at the assisted living just down the road from me as a part-time bath aide for about 12 hours a week! They also needed another person to babysit a bunch of kids for 2 hours on Friday mornings for CBC's Women's Bible Study Group. Which I could do this for my SLT for school or for some extra cash. I have decided to do my SLT with Christ for the City International- today I just did office work, but I really want to become a facilitator/leader for the Urban Plunge. This is basically a group of youth from churches mainly who go to 9 different ministries throughout Omaha and basically preach the gospel and help out in anyway. Some include the Hope Center, Angels on Wheels and also sharing with homeless people and prostitutes. It goes from Friday afternoons to Sunday early afternoons, and of course I wouldn't have to lead every week! I know- "lead". What exactly does that mean? I'm not totally sure yet, but I wouldn't be organizing everything, I just basically go with them to every ministry and tell them where to go. I dont necessarily do the work either, I just kind of supervise and watch and listen. Sounds great to me. I also think this would be great experience for being a missionary or doing cross-cultural ministries overseas someday. I also get paid for it and can use it as my SLT! So Praise God, maybe He overdid it this time, haha, I shouldn't complain AT ALL!! Thanks Jesus.

~*~beauty in itself~*~

Wow. I am so amazed and grateful.

The more I seek God, the more I find Him.
The more I find Him, the more I love Him.
The more I love Him, the more I can't get enough of Him.
He is AMAZING!
I've seen Him do so many little things since I've moved to Omaha. He's provided a close, great job (well actually 2), I'm trusting He will provide for Swazi this coming summer, I've come to learn more about Him, I feel His presence in my heart so often, I'm pretty sure I know where He is calling me to, and just wow!
Even my.creations, my small business, is picking up just from living with a bunch of girls in the dorm! Who ever thought this would happen. Now I've been offered an online instructor position for scrapbooking classes, in which I get to use my own ideas as well as make some profit off of that. My craft show is also coming up in November, which I'm not sure at all how many things I need to make for this show yet!! Who knows how much I'll sell. Oh God, I give this all to you, but I am not worrying about it.

I love lilies, as you see in the picture. For some reason they bring out the word "beauty" to me. The remind me of Jesus, personally.

I've also been reading this new book called "The Shack" by William P Young. Wow, I've never read such a book as this. There's a big tragedy, but this book is about how we connect personally with Jesus. It's already changed my view on the Trinity. God the Father, the Holy Spirit, and Jesus the Son are all equal. I dont know about you, but I've always pictured God the Father as the "boss" of the 3 in 1 gang, which is pretty easy to do. We look at a Father as being the head of everyone else in the family. It also talks about how we think this way because of our fallen world and sinful nature. Thats how our world is, but that isn't how God is. God is = to Jesus who is = to the Holy Spirit. 3 in 1 is the same thing. It's amazing. I'm learning how closely Jesus really wants to be and why God became a human form and why He decided to come to earth. Jesus is in a human form for a reason- he isn't human, he is God, but he came here for us so that he could relate to us in a different level than God the Father. I dont know about you, but I view God as a high authority figure, like a dad. Jesus- I view as a loving friend who really does want to just be a friend and guide us through each day. But I have learned that Jesus was brought to the earth so that we could learn in a more intimate passionate way because he was human like us, but more of a perfect, supernatural human.....if that makes sense? Are you following?

I will be talking more about this book in the future so stay posted. It's amazing and you can borrow it from me when I'm done- just ask!! I'd be happy to let you share this with me.

Application Sent

I applied tonight to Adventures in Missions.
Now we'll see what God has in store for me next. :D

...//Swazi//...

From becoming overwhelmingly excited about looking towards spending 2 months in Swazi,
to becoming discouraged about it from a
parent's view,
to praying about it,
to asking God to bless my parents and to
work through them so they would support me,

I am at an all time HIGH! PRAISE GOD!

**I had a conversation when I came home with my step-father who didn't even know I was considering this trip. He has been to Botswana before, so he knows a little bit about Africa. He also is very scared for me as looking from a father-to-dauther's point of view. A number of things could happen, because its Africa. But, the same things happen here in the States...

So anyways, he stated that he knows I have a passion for missions and especially Africa and he doesn't want to take that away from me. PRAISE GOD. I just had asked God to open my parent's hearts to listen to me and not just throw it out the door. And now they are.....

And because I have my parent's blessings, I am very encouraged to say that I want to move on and send my application in. I dont know if this is God's yes, but "Father, I am going to go straight for my passion until you shut the door. Until you say that my desires aren't matched up to yours, I will continue down this path".

I will update more information about Swazi soon! So please keep reading and checking out my blog for more news.

Please pray for a support team- prayer team and a financial team. I am not worried about the finances. God has all the power in the world and can do whatever He wants.

"ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE" Matthew 21:22, Luke 11:9

..:::..passion..:::..

So many of you who know me also know my heart has been desired missions for quite some time. Particularly Africa. I was once told that God places a nation/country on our hearts for specific reasons because we each have something unique to bring to them. I have the opportunity to bring glory to God in a way I've never done before. Sharing eternal life with those who are in their last stage of AIDS. Loving the many many orphans. Being who God intended to be and experiencing life in which we all should, from the bottom up. Swaziland- Africa- May 29, 2009-July 29,2009. Two months. Sharing the gospel. Love. Compassion. God's heart. Changed lives. Heartache. Joy. Pray

My passion is people. My passion is serving God. My passion is seeing the love in other people as well as sharing the love. My passion is serving the poor. My passion is the heart, not the wealth, s.e.s., etc. My passion is the unique cultures. My passion is seeing a change from worldliness to godliness in a person's eyes. My passion is trusting that God heals. My passion is children. My passion is loving and holding the hands of those who hurt. My passion leads me to the feet of Jesus. My passion makes me cry. My passion makes my heart skip a beat. My passion leads me to the core of my being. My passion allows Jesus to use me and mold me in to the "bride of Christ". My passion is GOD. My passion is "compassion". My passion is faithfulness. My passion is hoping. My passion is waiting to see God in His pure white robe sitting at His throne. My passion is heaven. My passion is seeing my brother and my father in heaven someday. My passion is my inner most being. My passion is to be set-apart from the world. My passion is radiant femininity. My passion is Song of Songs 2:2. My passion is Jhonatan Saul Toaquiza Chimba. My passion is beauty. My passion is Africa. My passion is crafting. My passion is worshiping. My passion is decorating. My passion is from the One and thee Only. My passion is Jesus IS COMING BACK SOON.

.::.art.::.

New Art!

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New.Creation

Hey everyone, so tonight I was working on this project- my newest creation. I bought a plain wooden box from Hobby Lobby that the top opens up so almost like a jewelry box or something. All I did was use my new Basic Grey paper and glued it on the sides, inked up the edges and made the top look pretty! It took quite a long time to finish it up, but is definitely worth it. I've gotten lots of compliments on it in my dorm hall already so that is a good sign! Hope you enjoy...more to come!!

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