moving forward

So I have been back since the 30th of July.  We stopped in Paris for our debriefing and a couple of days of sightseeing and relaxing before heading home.  Hearing about and listening to the re-entry/reverse culture shock back in to the States scares me a bit.  Re-entry is always harder than culture shock into a whole new culture.  Somehow it's harder to function here and care about the same things that the general American population cares about.  Everything I've seen, learned, heard, experienced, loved is still in my heart and soul but now I'm in a new place.  My new family and friends I made in Mali are not here with me, more than anything I want to be there with them.  It's so hard to process and think about all of it without completely melting down.  If I would have been done with school, I would have stayed longer.  I dreaded leaving.  The last week or so before we left I was up at 8am every morning wanting to be with the Malians as long as possible because the ending was coming, I especially wanted to be with my little boy Le Vieux.  I miss him like crazy.  I think about those nights where I rocked him to sleep by walking around the compound in the dark where there was no lights or noise.  I think about laughing at him on those days where he thought every stinkin' thing was so funny.  I miss holding him and seeing him sleep in my bed.  I miss kissing his face.  I miss feeling like a real momma, something that I desire so badly.  I miss everything.  Its so hard to concentrate on day to day things, when all I'm doing is reliving my memories and thinking of what they are doing at that moment.  The hardest part is thinking everything through and processing all of it, because of the pain of being here and not there.  It's easier to just put them out of my mind, in some ways, but I don't want to.

the finish line

With only about 3 weeks left in Mali (less than three at our home in Bougouni) my attitude and perspective has changed alot.  Now longer am I tired of our routine here or just want to go home.  Instead I have really been appreciating every last experience we get.  Right now I cannot see how this lifestyle has affected me, but when I picture myself at home, I picture myself feeling totally out of place and wanting to do things at home "Malian style" as I have learned here.  More than anything I miss my family and friends, but thats it.  Yes I do miss familiar things and understanding the language from every person around me (almost) but I don't miss it so much that I don't ever want to come back to another country.  Through the difficulties here, I've become doubtful of where God has placed me.  Satan has a way of using such situations to bring us down.  But everytime I got through them, my heart was lifted again (by prayers across the ocean) and I was certain this is where God wants me.  He wants me in Africa ministering to children.  I don't know how yet.  More than anything, I don't think I want to necessarily work in an orphange like I thought I did, but instead I want to buy a house and take children in who are abandoned and no one wants them.  I want to be their example of Christ, maybe the only one they'll ever know.  I want to empower them to be all they can be through Christ, that they are not worthless but they are worth everything in the Lord's eyes.  I've been looking through AIM for what I can do after I graduate in one year.  I know God has something for me to serve Him.

I've been thinking alot about my future and what I'm going to do, when my mom sent me a message that she had thought of me when she was doing her devotions.  She gave me a verse in Hebrews that tells us to keep our eyes on Jesus only, not the path we are following or how we are going to get there but learn who Jesus is and stay intimately close to Him.  I've heard this so many times, but at some moments some words just really hit you hard.  Spiritually speaking, it has been rough here and I haven't given my time to God like I need to.  I can feel Him calling me back to Him, which is where I'm going to start over again, now.  Thank Jesus for new chances all the time.

 

Just One.

Some people talk about hunger, but they don't come and say, "Mother, here are five rupees. Buy food for these people." But they can give a most beautiful lecture on hunger.

I had the most extraordinary experience once in Bombay. There was a big conference about hunger. I was supposed to go to that meeting and I lost the way. Suddenly I came to that place, and right in front of the door to where hundreds of people were talking about food and hunger, I found a dying man.

I took him out and I took him home.

He died there.

He died of hunger.

And the people inside were talking about how in fifteen years we will have so much food, so much this, so much that, and that man died.

See the difference?

I never look at the masses as my responsibility. I look at the individual. I can love only one person at a time. I can feed only one person at a time.

Just One. One. One.

You get closer to Christ by coming closer to each other. As Jesus said, " Whatever you do to the least of my brethren, you do to me."

So you begin.... and I begin.

I picked up one person.

Maybe if I hadn't picked up that one person I wouldn't have picked up 42,000. The whole work is only a drop in the ocean. But if I didn't put the drop in, the ocean would be one drop less.

Same thing for you.

Same thing for your family.

Same thing in the church where you go.

Just begin.... One. One. One.

At the end of life, we will not be judge by
how many diplomas we have received
how much money we have made
how many great things we have done;

We will be judged by this:

"I was hungry and you gave me to eat. I was naked and you clothed me. I was homeless and you took me in."

Hungry not for bread - but hungry for love. Naked not only for clothing - but naked of human dignity and respect. Homeless not only for want of a room of bricks - but homeless because of rejection.

This is Christ in distressing disguise.





Mother Teresa

a wedding and a child dedication

Yesterday was Fatoumata's wedding.  She has grown up living with Uncle Joseph and Tante Marte (as a niece) but has become basically their child because of a bad situation with her parents.  I can't imagine how many feelings she was having Friday night and Saturday morning. She must have been excited and nervous and happy to get married but i'm sure sad to leave her family and place she has known for a very long time.  The thing with Malian weddings is that when they get married they don't hardly know each other.  He is from a village quite a ways away, so she has probably only talked to him in person a couple times.  What we do in the States is ask a person to go out with us or date when we are interested in them.  Here it's not dating it is asking them to marry and become a fiance.  It is different.  They cannot be alone together because it is a big temptation for both of them, as they say. I can understand that, but I could not imagine marrying a man I barely knew.  The wedding was beautiful.  The choir was singing for a while ahead of time.  Then here comes a big long line of choir members, pastors, men beating drums, women singing, and Fatoumata in her wedding dress with the veil covering her face and Jeremy next to her. During the wedding, they sat up front next to each other with a best man/woman on both sides.  They didn't hardly look around much but sit still look at the people sitting down and once in a while maybe smile. I could tell Fatoumata was really nervous though.  So the 3 1/2 hour service was filled with preaching and singing and then finally Uncle Joseph married them with the rings, prayer, and a first kiss that I know she was taken aback by! 

Le Vieux, my baby, ha, was dedicated in church today which was very exciting.  I pray for him and that he would grow up to be a man of God and that by his parents growing closer together in love for each other, he would have a great example to follow.

another trip

This weekend was great! Not only was I feeling better after being sick for a while, but I could definitely feel the prayers coming my way as my mom had mentioned.  By Thursday night I was very joyful and so happy I was still in Mali.  Bad circumstances seem to make everything look bad.  I'm so glad I don't make important decisions when I'm feeling so bad. Thank you to all of you.  I am feeling much better and have most of my energy and appetite back, now I just need to continually eat more to gain weight back.  We visited a couple of villages about 4-5 hours away and it was very good to go somewhere else and meet new people.  We stayed with Pastor Marka and his family the first night.  He graduated from IBR just last year, so our intern, Sharon, knew him very well.  The second night we stayed in Bamako at the EEBM guest house (as we have before).  We went out to eat that night and then found ourselves studying for our oral final exam with our professor for the next morning.  Once that was finished on Saturday, we went to the Artisan in Bamako which is where all the African jewelry, boxes, canvases, paintings, etc. is made.  I'm terrible at bargaining because first of all you can hardly look around without them bothering you, and then you have to literally leave the place for them to stop talking to you, even after that we had a drunk man following us and continually saying "What do you want? I am sorry. I will give you the best prices...you are my friend...blah blah."  At the end of the trip, me and Christian had to ride in the hot trunk in the back of the truck to get home because it only holds so many people in the front.  It was quite amusing and we had alot of people smiling and waving at us.  This is something a Malian would do, not an American, typically.

how satan discourages believers

So the past two weeks haven't exactly been a joyous ride.  First I started out with a sore throat.  It became worse and I knew I needed to go to the clinic because I could hardly swallow anything and my throat was full of red splotches and white dots.  I still dont know if it was strep exactly.  I went on antibiotics for a couple days and it was gone almost immediately.  In another couple of days, it came back.  I was a bit frustrated at this point because this was highly unexpected or needed.  I went to the clinic again and they decided that they should give me antibiotics through an IV instead.  I thought they were exaggerating for a sore throat but I let them do what they do.  I did about three different dosages in two days for my throat.  It took a little bit longer to go away this time and I was a bit worried, and a bit critical and judgmental towards the doctors here (or the Malian culture in general).  

Fast forward to another half week later, I woke up and felt like i was hit by a truck.  My body was so so exhausted and tired and I could hardly stand up and walk around.  I wanted to sleep and lay down and couldn't wake up whatsoever.  I took my temperature just to check and it ended up being a low fever.  Uncle Joseph took me back to the clinic and they told me I had no fever (armpit vs. mouth).  He said I was fine, until he took my blood pressure.  It was 10/6 or (100/60). This is lower than normal especially for me.  Apparently my body was very weak and that is why I was not able to move well or have any energy whatsoever.  I hadn't eaten anything that day (it was just early afternoon) because I woke up late and wasn't hungry.  They decided to put me on an IV for nutrition and other things.  Even though my blood test for malaria came out negative, it can do that sometimes, there was a possibility I might have had a germ or so from that as well.  So the assistant came to our house on the compound so I could lay on our couch and gave me the IV.  The first two bags went really fast.  The last one was big and only dripped every 3 seconds or so.  It took all night to finish and I was sick of it.  (Of course along with the IV I had terrible diarrhea, I know you wanted to know this!)  Uncle Joseph made me eat, so I ate a couple bananas and maybe about an hour or so later I threw it all up.  This wasn't the first time.  They continually pushed me to eat because I had too much medication in my body and no food, but it frustrated me because even though they were telling me to eat because it was the right thing, I was still continually throwing it up a bit later!  I was so miserable, and with no food in my body I couldn't even walk in the house by myself.  When I immediately stood up, everything turned black and they literally had to haul me to the bathroom.  At one point I blacked out and when I opened my eyes I was already down the hall and had puked all over my arm and the floor.  How embarrassing in front of everyone.  Uncle Joseph continually pushed me to eat as he would remind me about every 5 minutes to eat more, take more, put this in your mouth, you need more.  Finally because of my throwing up, he went and bought me some medication to stop my body from resisting the food.  It did its job but wow did that medicine burn in my veins!  Marie (Matthew's mom) was there the whole time with me and she was so affectionate toward me.  I feel like we have a great connection and it meant so much for her to sit with me on my bed and pull my hair back, rub my back, etc.  

So the next day was Sunday.  The assistant came at 9 to give me to the second dosage of meds but Uncle Joseph had called the doctor to explain what had happened last night.  He wanted us to come back into the clinic, so we did.  He did another quick physical exam on me and then gave me the anti-vomiting medicine again.  It made me dizzy this time so I had to lay down.  Then they checked me weight.  Wow, I could not believe that I have lost 20+ lbs since February.  Especially, off of my body, because thats the last thing I need.  I have been very discouraged about this since.  So I was given the same meds again through my IV and ate before they went through.  This time things were going well.  I had eaten chicken noodle soup, jello, small crackers...etc...then I had a drink of Fanta (bad idea) and up came everything I had just eaten.  "Wow that was alot of work" I thought.  "Now I have to eat all that over again!"  The rest of the day sailed on slowly and I laid on my bed all day watching movies because I was so energy-less, my body was completely dead and I looked like it too.  The next day I only went to the second half of class and then stayed inside much of the afternoon afterwards.  Today I have felt so much better and I know its because of my family and friends in Christ i have on the other side of this planet!

Now I am just struggling with being content with where I'm at.  Emotionally I am miserable and know Mali isn't where I will live in the future.  Satan is good at taking me passions and desires and twisting them to make them look evil and miserable.  How dare he!  Mentally exhausted because of our homework and how hard it is to do in such a negative state of mind and body.  Also, my body says "eat" but I say nothing sounds good, nothing tastes good (not even junk food), I dont have an appetite, blah blah, but I can't stand the fact that I've lost so much.

Thank you all for the support and prayer.  (This is a bit detailed!) 

jouer au foot

On Sunday afternoon, a couple of us went to the soccer game over by the other church in town that IBR is with.  It was great to be able to get away from our house and do something different.  The game was between IBR and Torakabougou, but we lost again.  But this time it was 5-2 because we were actually really loud and cheering for our team.  These are just a few of the photos that I took that afternoon.  It was super hot and exhausting so we sat in the shade under a huge tree, and drank their water when ours was gone (I hope I don't get typhoid again)! (ha)  Since being in culture shock it has been harder to find the motivation to actually want to go out and do things so because I felt really good, it was a pretty darn good day. Then Sunday night, the electricity kept on going off and on and off and on.  There was no electricity all night and therefore no fans.  There are a few times where we actually slept inside with no fans, but we were tired of it...real tired of it, so we all piled our mattresses outside on our front porch and slept till 6 am and then moved inside and the fans were back on then.  Last night, the same thing happened.  Everyone was frustrated, even the students and Uncle Joseph.  But we didn't bet it would stay on all night so we all tied our mosquito nets outside and moved our beds out too.  It was so nice that night, except for hearing the donkeys and roosters right next to our porch!  It's true that when you are use to something and don't have it, it changes alot of things and can be very frustrated...like electricity.  Its hard when the water is turned off for a period of time as well.  Then I remember how thankful I have it here when it is all back on.  

Remember, to be grateful for everything you have, no matter where you live!

Photos above: Me, Abel, Michenzie; Courtney and Kadiatou- Court is trying to learn to drive the moto

more thoughts

So I have been going a bit crazy lately.  The other night I had another dream where I had a baby.  Most of it was very unrealistic and couldn't happen in reality but the part of it that felt so real made me almost be able to feel what it's like to have your own child.  I woke up and couldn't stop thinking about what it's like to hold the child you held for 9 months in your belly, and to then see her and say "she's mine".  It's kind of a crazy thing.  And the more I find myself filled with passion for children, the more dreams and other things come up.  

Somehow I know that children are in my future...somehow...

We've also recently hit culture shock.  The weird thing is, most people don't know they're in it and don't recognize it, so our professor was surprised.  But we talk about culture shock so much as we are trying to relate and live in an African culture, and we taught that at our 3 month mark everything would start changing.  And, it has.  We become more irritated with little things, people bother us, I want to sleep more than anything, I'd rather stay inside somedays, I find it really hard to be motivated to do anything, we are very "bored", homework is so much harder to do and we end up turning it in days late because we have no motivation, and then again the heat doesn't help still.  

In many ways it sucks, and I wonder why I'm here.  But I don't wish I was at home, because this is where God called me to be at this time and I want to be all here, all of me.  But in the end, and overall, I know I am learning alot and growing and it is going to be a GREAT experience and foundation for whatever I do later after graduation.  The edge program is very unique and I've never seen another program like this before.  We're learning how to live in community even if we don't like each other.  We're learning that we aren't just visiting here but we're actually living life here.  We find that everything we experience and see through our own cultural view, is completely different to what the Malians and seeing through their culture.  There's so much to learn about a culture before you start presenting the gospel respectfully.  It seems overwhelming to me, but when I continue to remind myself that I'm doing it for the glory of the Lord, everything is joyful again.  

I continue to love the relationships we are building here.  And if I miss anything, it's not where we live, it's not what it looks like, or the other small things, but it is the people.  

Thank you to those who read this, its encouraging to me.

special treatment

Today at our "malian" picnic, I had some more unrestful feelings come up, as well as the team did.  As an American, many countries (I don't think all) are given privilege.  We are given sort of a special treatment in whatever we do, in many ways.  Today especially sort of bugged me.  We went to the picnic in this small van that packed in over 20 people sitting on wood benches in the back of the van.  It was so much fun and I was laughing so hard I was crying, and all the girls were asking me why I was crying!  Every time we hit a bump, our wooden bench would come up or move so we started going forward onto the people from the other side.  It was very interesting.  We loved it!

When we left, we were given privilege to leave first (I think its because we also looked really exhausted), but they had this nice 4-door pickup Toyota (i think) for us to ride back in.  I'm talking, an American pickup, except it was stick.  The thing is, we didn't want that, that was to easy for us.  Instead we wanted to ride in the van with all the others.

Another issue that has bugged me a bit is that because we are Americans, we are considered "rich" of course, so when big events happen like this they expect us to pay more than our share!  So for gas to get us to the picnic, they made us 4 toubabs (white person) pay for HALF of the total gas out of all the 20-30+ people!  In many cases we find people asking us to pitch in or to help this person, but its more of an expectation that we will, not just a question of "you don't have to, but you can't".

At first it wasn't a big deal, because yes we have alot more money than them, but then again we are on a strict budget as a team (according to what we raised) and barely have any money left at the end of the month to buy groceries.  It has become more irritating now, as it continues to happen in small ways.  Because of the language barrier with some people as well, we sometimes don't have a choice in what we say and end up going with the flow.

?Have We No Rights?

So for class we have to read a book called "Have We No Rights?" Basically, when one is on the mission field, as an American we think we have many rights- rights to comfort, privacy, time, etc.  The next few days I will continue to post some great stuff I really enjoyed from the book! It is soo practical for every missionary.


A standard of living.  What does that amount to?  How important is it really?  Does it matter if we sleep on the floor or in a bed? Does it matter if we eat with spoons or our fingers; wear silk or cotton; if we are poor or rich; eat rice or potatoes for dinner?  Does it matter if we live in the way we are accustomed or adopt the way of living of those to whom we go?


It may matter to us.  But what should be our attitude on the field?  Should we try to conform to the way of life of the people as much as possible?  "When we have become familiar with how they eat, how they sleep, how they work, how they play, what they like, what they dislike, what they hope, what they fear, how they think, how they feel- when we really understand them, then, and only then, will we be able to present the Gospel to them in an adequate way."


"I would love to live as the native do, if only I could; but I just can't take it!" Many say.  We can gradually get used to things (over years time).


Other people's ways, standards, customs--do we want to like them? Or do we cling to our own because ours are "better?"


Right to Privacy:

"How can you find quiet time to even pray?"  
"When things get too much for me, I just throw my apron over my head and I am all alone with the LORD."


How did Jesus react when He wanted to be alone but wherever He went there were multitudes?  Was their anger in His heart?  No, He welcomed them (Luke 9:11).


"If we belong to the day, if we are children of the light, why should any act of ours, or anything belonging to us, need to be hidden in the dark?"


"Let us remember, that people must come to know us before they can accept our message, or before our testimony has any value to them.  Why should I desire to keep hidden anything that has to do with myself.  If the sharing of that thing might help to draw someone to the Savior?" Eph 5:8  Remember, deny yourselves and pick up your cross DAILY!

cold rain

So whenever its going to storm we can tell.  Last night we sat outside and the wind picked up very fast so quickly.  Thats the first sign.  Then it got really dusty and all of a sudden it was sprinkling and pouring.  Of course on our tin roof it sounds SOO LOUD!  The rain was absolutely freezing cold.  I had forgotten what cold weather felt like.  Our room is usually hott at night but it was blowing it so much I was so so happy and thankful for it.  It is not the rainey season till June so every storm we get is a GIFT.  It even lightening and thundered last night (it doesn't always).  Then the power went out and was out all night.  Therefore, no fans.  Therefore, we our beds were wet when we woke up, oh and our hair, from sweat.....good 'ole sweat.  Gotta love sleeping in your sweat.  Then I slept till 11am, because I could:), and Michenzie and Chris made chocolate chip pancakes with syrup---they are SOOO AWESOME.  We have such a great team who can cook, I'm very impressed myself, and alot of it is made up with no recipe when we hardly have any food left.  Great job team, love you all!

 

goodies!

Check out this package i received the other day in the mail from my BFF- my mother! Isn't she so sweet!?  Well actually, I told her what to send!! Thanks Mom, you do more for me than I show gratefulness for! Thank you so much for this!

A new insulated water bottle, candy, lucky charms, 8 more tanktops!!, more drink packets, a dust brush for my computer and a box full of love!

heat and babies

I can't believe how the days have gotten even hotter here.  It has been hott, but normally we aren't dripping sweat in the morning at 9am already!!  So to work on our last big Cultural Anthropology project, we sat in our room with the fans blasting.  It's a bit cooler this way.  This morning we didn't have class, thanks to Uncle Joseph.  He let us off because of the half of our team traveling to Bamako for Easter.  Anyways, so we woke up to crying babies this morning.  And I just had to see what was going on---you know, its me!  So i put my clothes on and didn't even put my contacts in and just walked outside.  Matthew was sitting on these big bags of fertilizer (poop) and eating a mango.  He was a bit crabby and completely exhausted.  Then there was this other baby who is SOO cute but has so many fat rolls! So we call him the "old man baby"; we think he looks like an old man, but he's soo precious.  Anyways so the kids wanted me to put Matthew on my back so that he would fall asleep.  So I did, and he literally passed out while wrapped on my back.  At one point his head was hanging backwards and it looked so uncomfortable.  I can't get used to holding babies on my back...they don't seem to stay up on me because I don't have many curves (haha) so I'm always holding the towel up so it doesn't fall down all the time.  What a perfect morning.  Except it was so hot I was dripping with sweat..and I knew it was going to be a long exhausting day.

It is so hard to be motivated to do anything here.  Sure I can play with kids all day, but then to go sit down and study.  First of all I'm always so ansy here, even in the classroom I just have to stand up and walk.  Secondly its not easy to study and think when its so so hot outside.  

As Americans, we have so much stuff.  What we brought with us to Mali doesn't seem like much, but its alot!  Sometimes I'm so embarassed to carry my computer outside or to hold my nice camera in front of their faces.  I feel so unpleasantly wealthy and even very guilty at times.  What am I supposed to do with that feeling?  I've felt like this so much since the first time I went overseas.  My heart changed and my mindset of "stuff and money" changed.  I dont want to be that wealthy white american here.  But i can't change that.  It makes things all the more difficult!

meet Oumou

Meet Oumou.  This is the first time she slept on me all afternoon at tea.  I smelled like b.o. and sweat the rest of the day. :)  Her mom sits right outside our gate and sells peanuts with a bunch of other ladies.  It has now become a continuous thing, for me to walk out and bring her in to hang with me.  So here is how she works.  She's a bit whiny and stubborn.  She will not go to anyone else.  Once she is sitting on my lap, Michenzie, Chris, or Courtney are considered "scarey" by Oumou.  She screams and throws tantrums and elbows (Michenzie) if they try and take her away from me.  It's hilarious!  My thought was, "Yes, finally a child who loves me and no one else...just me!!" Yet that's not such a good thought.  I had to let her follow me into the bathroom to pee otherwise she'd scream.  Today she actually pulled my hand and walked me back to her mom outside the gate.  It was so sweet.  Tomorrow you will meet my bff from church! :D

i togo oumou

Her name is Oumou. Oumou.  I have photos and more moments to blog about tomorrow!

my heart

The longer I am here, the more I am falling in love with the Malians.  How unique and precious are all of God's children.  How creative He is in all His work!  He baffles my mind and I'm so amazed at who He is while I sit here and type this.

Yesterday, I was walking back from lunch at the Camara's house and all these children were hanging by the gate like usual.  Except there was one girl who I'd never seen come into the compound.  There are a group of women who sell peanuts at a stand right outside our gate under a tree.  I knew this was one of their girls because I had seen her sit with them before.  She was carrying a bowl of rice that she was eating...except there were so many rocks in the rice...it was dirty.  Her hair was all sectioned off into squares and wrapped into small buns- about 8 all over her head.  She was wearing a too-small blue and stained baby dress, and some very old ratty underwear.  I held my hands out to her and shockingly she held her hands out as well.  The hard thing is, there are a select few smaller kids and babies who will actually let us hold them, so I was shocked for her to want to come to me.  I picked her up and walked back around the corner where our house sits.  All of our chairs are usually set under the mango tree for shade.  I sat down with her and let her finish her rice.  I grabbed an apple and gave her part of it and filled up some water in a cup for her (water---"ji" in bambara).  She did not hesitate to take food from me.  But she showed no emotion the whole entire time I held her.  She would just look at me and back at everyone else.  Later on I took her inside of our house (we aren't really supposed to but there were no other kids around and she is young enough I think it was okay), and I let her use chalk on our floor (cement floor) and she was done with it pretty quickly and put it back in the bag and made sure i zipped it up properly.  I sat down with her on the floor and blew up a ball for her (world map on it) and let her hold it and play with it.  I walked with her around our house.  She continually followed me and looked oh so precious, and "perfect" in this house (if you know my heart, you know why I say this).  The second time God has reminded me of how much I want to be a mother; a biological mother- who knows! but a mother.  All I hear Him say is "love them".  I see Jesus in them.  When I went to pick her up to take her back outside, she FREAKED out! She didn't want to go outside.  She wanted to stay inside the house, and I was like "great look what I have done now".  So I fought against it and took her outside while she shook herself in my arms and cried.  We sat back down under the mango tree for a while and she calmed down a bit.  The dogs- Toupas and Sharbon, walked by and she flipped out again.  I let her keep the world map ball and walked her back to her mom right outside the gate.  As soon as she got back the bigger kids took the ball from her and started playing with it---oh how I knew this was going to happen!

Today I thought about her all day.  Oh how I wanted to go out and grab her and bring her back in, but I was busy with French and other things.  Later during the day, Christian and I were walking with "Grandma" and clean clothes back pass the gate and there were some kids so we started "karate" fighting with them for fun.  AND making so much loud noise.  All the "peanut ladies" walked to the gate and looked in at us and started laughing.  Then here comes this girl!  So beautiful, wearing such dirty, stained, and too small of clothing.  I wanted to bathe her and clean her up, give her a manicure and just hold her in new clothes.  I wanted to be able to say "she's mine" and I get to watch after her while she sleeps at night in the room next to me!  Oh how hard it is to wait for such a longing desire.  I found out her name today, but I don't know how to spell it.  I barely know how to pronounce it, but I will figure it out one of these days!

Thanks for reading.

sick

No one likes to be sick, especially a day before starting French class with Madame Fiet.  Sharon got Typhoid, or at least thats what her blood test said, but we sort of think it could be Malaria, and when they tested the blood they could have been looking at the Typhoid vaccine instead of the actual illness.  Does that make sense?  It happened to another EDGE teamer like two years ago.  Chris has a cold, Michenzie's throat hurts, and Courtney was just taken to the doctor with Uncle Joseph to get blood work.  I am IMMUNE! Just kidding.  I hope this all passes me on, I don't tend to get sick very often but if the typhoid is in the water here then you really can't help it.  We are filtering our water but still, things happen.  A couple people at Uncle Joseph's house got Typhoid as well, so it definitely could be in the water.  

Being sick is the last thing you want when you are still adjusting to a new culture, its so hot, and you need to study and do homework!

Please lift this up to Jesus, for we know He heals all.

RAIN

It is not even close to the rainy season yet, but we have already been blessed two different times with rain and wind.  It usually comes up out of nowhere! Our team was basically playing in the rain while it lasted (about 15-20 min).  It was so much fun and hilarious.  At home rain is just rain.  But in Mali its a whole other world.  I was reminded how much of a blessing rain is.  RAIN IS A BEAUTIFUL BLESSING!

be

I am challenged to just be.

To just sit for hours under the shady mango tree and be.

To learn a new pace of life and understand 

it is okay to just be

We don't always have to be doing something with our 

minds or our hands.

It is acceptable by the LORD to just be.

Oh what a challenge it is.

The more our minds aren't occupied with busy work, the more we think.

We think about ourselves.

I think about myself.

You can't hide from self.

What am I doing?

Where is God taking me?

What is true 'sacrifice'?

What is God doing in my heart?

Why don't I feel my passion for Africa while I'm here, in the moment?

We are forced to think about questions we rarely truly answer (or want to answer).

How can I be more secure in my God and let Him love me just the way I am.

How do I just be?

Why does it put bear in my and resistance to think about just being, today.

It is hard.

The Lord is slowly shifting my view.

We are God's Beloved.  So, be...LOVED!

-Journal Entry 3.02.10 

 

weather class and malaria

We thought maybe we'd be starting one of our classes this week, but it looks like we have another week to do nothing but cook, clean, and chill.  We do have homework and books to read for due dates coming up in the next couple weeks but not actual classroom time.  We were supposed to be starting "Conversational French" with Pastor Gabria here, but it doesn't work for him yet.  It would be nice to learn some more french, because right now we are using such BROKEN french words in the midst of our english sentences.  Thank goodness Uncle Joseph, his family, and the IBR students know english.  The students dont know as much but at least we can figure out what they are saying! It's quite entertaining actually.

Every day seems a little bit hotter.  There's no way you can go throughout one day and not sweat through your tanktop!  I have limited tanktops too so therefore I have to do laundry often.  Last night I think it rained a bit.  I remember waking up at 7 and smelling the rain through our window, but it wasn't enough to make the ground muddy.  The cool breeze in the early morning is so wonderful.  I dont think I've ever been so thankful to feel a good breeze.  Oh how much we take for granted!

And a couple of Uncle Joseph's kids have been tested for typhoid.  They think it might be in the water (we have filtered water).  So please keep them in your thoughts.  They are doing better.

Malaria is huge here.  For the short amount of time we've been here (3 weeks) about 5 people that we know amongst the compound have already gotten malaria and medication to heal.  They are better, but it is soo common here.  I get annoyed sleeping with my mosquito net all the time.  Its such a pain to always tuck in around your bed and you cant feel the fan as much and you feel like you are in a cage.  

Anyways, its my turn to cook lunch so peace out! :)

refreshed

Half of our team was gone to Bamako for two days.  They came back last night and we were able to work some issues out that was building tension among all of us.  It felt good to be together again.  I felt unity.  I was refreshed.  Right now I'm sitting on the cement block patio in our backyard listening to Court, Chenz, and Chris type away.  I hear voices in the distance yelling something in Bambara, and once in a while a car drives by.  It is cool tonight.  After the 106 degree weather today, the evenings feel so good!  Toupas is sleeping right next to me.  Oh how I'm praying she has puppies while we are here!  It is almost that time when all the male dogs hunt her down ha!  I'm not so tired today.  The other day I slept in till 10am (because we've had no class this week) and then i had another 2 1/2 hour nap that afternoon, of course lying in sweat.  But through all the 'uncomfortableness' as many americans would say, God is always here.  I've been given the name "Nema" (nay-mah) which is grace in Bambara.  I don't know if it was randomly chosen by the Malian students, but I believe God definitely had a purpose through the name.  My theme of the trip is about grace.  The grace God gives us through His love, and the grace He asks us to give unto others.  Something that is difficult but beautiful.

Tonight was like a big celebration day for the Muslim religion or something like that.  From our home, in the distance we hear prayer and song (in another language by a man) over and over.  Usually its just a call to prayer the couple times Muslims repeat daily.  This was longer.  And I was pondering how interesting and lifechanging it would be to learn more about the Muslim religion and be able to visit a mosque and one of their leaders with Uncle Joseph.  Yet are role here at the IBR compound under the EEPM National Church is to interact and encourage the believers at the church on the compound, and get to know them. I like it, but its hard in a way too because I want to be out doing something and visiting with non-believers.  Remember, Mali is 2% Christian (1% leaders) and the rest mostly Muslim and Animist.  Yet I feel secluded among our small compound.  One teammate specifically told me how she felt when we entered Bougouni for the first time.  She felt the darkness of it.  Bougouni has a main road that stretches from Bamako down to Burkina Faso.  It's a major drug route and much more is going on then we are seeing.  I want to know more.

amanda

today in mali

Monday, we did some more class time and finished talking about Cultural Anthropology, as he gave us our big project assignments due in the next month or two.  Class is really hard to focus in on.  I find myself thinking about the heat, wanting cold ice water but its not always possible because our freezer is oh so small and you can only fit so much at a time and make so much ice at a time as well.  Cold water tastes so good all the time.  I find myself chugging it very often as I sit here and sweat, or lay down at night and just sweat.  Class is also hard to stay focused because the heat makes you exhausted (heat exhaustion) and I've been oh so tired.  We have a bunch of assignments in our hands for the rest of the 6 months, but it doesn't stop there.  We have 18 credits we are doing.  Thats alot even back in the states, and what's worse is we will all be dealing with culture shock and our own personal problems.  I find myself not even eating that much either.  At some meals, I eat way over what I would normally just so that I don't find myself losing weight.  I really can't afford to.  It's hard to have an appetite.

Jones, our professor, is flying back home on Thursday.  Today three of our teammates went to Bamako with Jones and Uncle Joseph to do some bank stuff and shopping.  Christian, Michenzie, and I stayed back in Bougouni to get caught up on sleep and just being alone.  It has been so wonderful with just 3 of us here...3 of us quiet personalities!! Today I woke up at 9 and did laundry.  Then we went to the market on our ghetto bikes to get potatoes, tomatos, and onions.  We headed to the fabric shop and picked up a bunch of material for outfits, skirts, and taffays (sp?). I had material ready to be tailored and made into a whole outfit for Sundays.  And then I bought to material pieces for taffays, and one more I found and had it tailored to fit me (with a zipper).  It's very fun and I'm becoming obsessed with buying more of their material!  Even with a little bit of french, Chenz and I managed to used what we know to get things accomplished.  The kind of adventure I like.

mali NOW

Wow it has been a long week! The days have gone by so slowly here, yet sort of fast, its weird.  We arrived in Bamako about 9pm last Tuesday evening.  Fortunately the weather was cooler than normally.  It was hot air (probably 90's) but still better than we expected.  We met Mama Sako and his wife and kids in Bamako.  He is a leader/pastor in the church and has been very involved with Grace University's EDGE Program.  We ate with them in their home for lunch one day and had a great time meeting his family.  His wife is very sweet.  Later the next day we went to the bus station to wait to go down to Bougouni (where we are staying).  It is about a 3 hour drive from Bamako.  But before we left, we waited about 1 1/2 hrs and out of nowhere became the center of attention.  This man dances for money and he walked up and started dancing...somewhat inappropriately...but also hilarious.  I guess he dances on tv here or something as well.  We got some on video as we were completely surrounded by music and probably 40+ women and men laughing and clapping.

On the way down there were so many children on the bus, and some just happened to sit right next to us! One girl absolutely loved us and kept on smiling all the time.  Another one wasn't sure about us until Chris started making weird noises at her.  Then she opened up and was a little crazy! I even got to hold a couple-month-old baby as well. 

Down in Bougouni, our team is staying in a house (pink :)).  There are two small rooms for the intern and our oldest team member (Christian).  The other bedroom has me and two other girls in it, and it is a bit crowded.  We have a small kitchen, study room, living room and bathroom.  And now had some men fix up our porch in the back so we could sit under some shade.  It is definitely liveable (sp?).  We have gone to the market many times already, and it is interesting how people completely stop what they are doing to stare at us as we walk by.  It's strange at first and sort of awkward but you get used to it and just ignore it.  We are living on the IBR compound.  It is a small bible college that the district pays some students to go to.  It is expensive for them ($800/yr). But there are only 4 students this year.  Not many huh?  They are pretty nice and fun to be around.  We have to be careful in our actions though, for continually talking or sitting by one of them many times can look like we are interested in them, and from what I've heard they are all engaged.  The relationship aspect in the Malian culture is so different.  Would it even be possible for two people from different cultures to marry.  It is quite interesting!  

Mali is definitely "real" Africa.  Swaziland was more like South Africa which is closer to how the US runs in some ways.  But here, you know you are in a different world.  We are definitely still in our "honeymoon" stage of the continuum.  But within another 2 weeks here, things will start to change.  Frustrations and struggles will begin to hit us and this is when we will have to rely on the Lord.  Nothing will get easier from here on out.  I hope this gives you a small glimpse of what has been going on.

Oh, and I got to ride a nomad's camel! 

Amanda

swazi photography by mandy finley

 

  

  

  

  

 

  

  

  

 

 

 

photography

I sort of feel like I'm high on the clouds today.  It's almost weird when an opportunity is presented to you but you know you couldn't do it for at least another year or two.  I remember praying quite a while back about God using my photography talent that He has given me for His glory.  I especially wanted to photograph children, my my heart lays.  I was offered an invitation to go to Northern Uganda and take a ton of pictures for an organization called "Today's Children, Africa's Future".  I dont really know that terribly much about them.  They are small yet, and I dont think that many people have heard about them either.  I heard of them through facebook, somehow...Anyways, I thought that was pretty interesting.  I almost wanted to jump at it and accept it, but I knew I couldn't. Not now anyways.  I've began to want to take pictures more and more each year I get older, the desire grows deeper.  When the founder had presented this invitation to me, a bit later a thought had come to me.  I had remembered that night when I went to sleep but asked God to give me such an opportunity some day.  I dont know if this is the one He is talking about, but all I know is He is involved in my life and does hear me when I think He doesn't.  (We all doubt many times).  Even thought he knows I can't do this now, the founder still asked me if I would be willing to make a book for them to represent their organization to others (and for sponsored children).  Neat huh?  We'll see what God has planned for this next...I dont know for sure if I will be making this book, but it definitely made my day...for someone to recognize and be impressed by my photos I had posted on facebook.  

(Oh, and I have no photography training actually; I wish I could take a class to learn more about the technical parts of the camera)


I am pretty excited to see where I will be lead to in the future.  

God, you are always there, pulling my hand along the way gently.  And whenever I take a step backwards or sidewards, you are always pushing me back onto the right path.  I love you Jesus.

countdown

15 

days

till

I 

go

back

to

Africa

Africa Inland Mission

The other day, I met with the Regional Director of Africa Inland Mission.  It was such a great time for me because I dont get to talk with someone very often who has had many years of experience on the mission field.  I believe he was in Kenya for 20 some years or so.  Anyways we went to eat at an Indian restraunt for lunch. It was great to talk about my passion and what God has put in my heart for future ministry. So I was given two different opportunities I could pray about for the future- the first one was the TIMO program which is a two year foundation for ministry or I could work in an Orphanage in Uganda for one year and continue if I feel lead to after that.  I am bursting with joy right now! My heart is exploding with love for these african children who deserve a better life!

Class and Thoughts

Today, my Mali team had class from about 9-5 all day with cooking in between.  (We were graded on cooking and being back to class on time!)  We are doing the classroom portion of the class now.  When we get to Mali (in one month) we will then be doing some major hands-on projects amongst the culture, through observation and other things.  I'm actually excited for this.  Many people who ask me about this trip think its just another missions trip.  But in fact, it's all about experience.  It is all about learning about the ways other cultures think, why they do what they do and discovering more about the culture's values without making easy judgments on what they do.  It's very interesting and I am enjoying where this class is leading us already. 

After this week of class I will go back home (on Mon) and then Wednesday I am meeting with Warren Day, the Regional Director, from Africa Inland Mission.  I am so excited.  I've been looking into possible mission organization opportunities for the future.  I actually found out about AIM through one of our textbooks in a class I took in the Spring Semester of 2009.  I looked it up and it has stuck with me since.  After that I found out my Swaziland Leader this past summer knows Warren and it was kind of a cool thing to me.  I'm not sure what I am going to do yet.  I have a couple possibilities to go with after graduation in 2011.  Either I could work and start fundraising to go somewhere short-term (at first) with AIM (like one year), and eventually lead to long-term.  Or I could do their TIMO program, which is a 2 year foundation for ministry.  A small team of 8-10 people amongst an experienced missionary leader goes to an area of Africa that is considered "unreached peoples".  They do intensive language learning, homework, book reading inside of different units during those 2 years (i.e. spiritual warfare).  That's a major commitment though.  Another option I'm considering is going back to school right away that next fall and getting my Medical Assistant Degree (1 yr) to have some medical experience under my belt I can use overseas.  I feel if I dont do it now, I never will.  I honestly cannot get myself to say I want to do Nursing and go back for another 3 years.  I don't have the motivation or passion for that.  It would also be nice to have an MA degree b/c I could work for a while and save up before I went overseas, and if I came back I could always get a job again...again that is relying on security when I should rely on our Heavenly God.

The other thing that has been on my mind lately is children.  African children.  They grabbed my heart in Swaziland and my heart is bursting with more joy to just hold one of them again, and maybe someday be a mother to one.  I have been having consistent dreams, night after night, about children, about Africa, about being a mother.  God has never spoken to me through dreams, that I can remember anyways.  It's as clear as daylight.  He continues to give this passion to me when I pray about it.  But I have to remember to continually let HIM be my true passion, and out of that relationship flows a passion to be a tool for His broken world.  They brighten up my heart, and I can't think of any other thing in my future then to work at an orphanage or take care of children left on the street over there.  I can't even describe it anymore...it's intense.  I just have to wait now, and continue praying.

I love You, Jesus