more thoughts

So I have been going a bit crazy lately.  The other night I had another dream where I had a baby.  Most of it was very unrealistic and couldn't happen in reality but the part of it that felt so real made me almost be able to feel what it's like to have your own child.  I woke up and couldn't stop thinking about what it's like to hold the child you held for 9 months in your belly, and to then see her and say "she's mine".  It's kind of a crazy thing.  And the more I find myself filled with passion for children, the more dreams and other things come up.  

Somehow I know that children are in my future...somehow...

We've also recently hit culture shock.  The weird thing is, most people don't know they're in it and don't recognize it, so our professor was surprised.  But we talk about culture shock so much as we are trying to relate and live in an African culture, and we taught that at our 3 month mark everything would start changing.  And, it has.  We become more irritated with little things, people bother us, I want to sleep more than anything, I'd rather stay inside somedays, I find it really hard to be motivated to do anything, we are very "bored", homework is so much harder to do and we end up turning it in days late because we have no motivation, and then again the heat doesn't help still.  

In many ways it sucks, and I wonder why I'm here.  But I don't wish I was at home, because this is where God called me to be at this time and I want to be all here, all of me.  But in the end, and overall, I know I am learning alot and growing and it is going to be a GREAT experience and foundation for whatever I do later after graduation.  The edge program is very unique and I've never seen another program like this before.  We're learning how to live in community even if we don't like each other.  We're learning that we aren't just visiting here but we're actually living life here.  We find that everything we experience and see through our own cultural view, is completely different to what the Malians and seeing through their culture.  There's so much to learn about a culture before you start presenting the gospel respectfully.  It seems overwhelming to me, but when I continue to remind myself that I'm doing it for the glory of the Lord, everything is joyful again.  

I continue to love the relationships we are building here.  And if I miss anything, it's not where we live, it's not what it looks like, or the other small things, but it is the people.  

Thank you to those who read this, its encouraging to me.