22 December 2009

Sacrificial Love

"The face that Moses had begged to see---
was forbidden to see---
was slapped bloody(Ex 33:19-20).
The thorns that God had sent to curse the earth's rebellion now twisted around his own brow...
'On your back with you!' One raises a mallet to sink in the spike. But the soldier's heart must continue pumping as he readies the prisoner's wrist. Someone must sustain the soldier's life minute by minute, for no man has this power on his own.
Who supplies breath to his lungs?
Who gives energy to his cells?
Who holds his molecules together?
Only by the Son do "all things hold together" (Col. 1:17).
The victim wills that the soldier live on---he grants the warriors continued existence.
The man swings.

As the man swings, the Son recalls how he and the Father first designed the medial nerve of the human forearm---the sensations it would be capable of. The design proves flawless---the nerves perform exquisitely. "Up you go!" They lift the cross. God is on display in his underwear and can scarcely breathe.

But these pains are a mere warm-up to his other and growing dread. He beings to feel a foreign sensation. Somewhere during this day an unearthly foul odor began to waft, not around his nose, but his heart. He feels dirty. Human wickedness starts to crawl upon his spotless being---the living excrement from our souls. The apple of his Father's eye turns brown with rot.

His Father! He must face his Father like this!

From heaven the Father now rouses himself like a lion disturbed,
shakes his mane, and roars against the shriveling remnant of a man hanging on a cross.
Never has the Son seen the Father look at him so, never felt even the least of his hot breath.
But the roar shakes the unseen world and darkens the visible sky.
The Son does not recognize these eyes.

"Son of Man! Why have you behaved so?
You have cheated, lusted, stolen, gossiped---
murdered, envied, hated, lied.
You have cursed,
robbed,
overspent,
overeaten---
fornicated,
disobeyed,
embezzled, and
blasphemed.
Oh, the duties you have shirked, the children you have abandoned!
Who has ever so ignored the poor, so played the coward, so belittled my name?
Have you ever held your razor tongue?
What a self-righteous, pitiful drunk---
you, who molest young boys,
peddle killer drugs,
travel in cliques, and
mock your parents.
Who gave you the boldness to rig elections, foment revolutions, torture animals, and worship demons?

Does the list ever end?

Splitting families, raping virgins, acting smugly, playing the pimp---
buying politicians, practicing exhortation, filming pornography, accepting bribes.
You have burned down buildings, perfected terrorist tactics, founded false religions, traded in slaves---relishing each morsel and bragging about it all.

I hate, loathe these things in you!
Disgust for everything about you consumes Me!
Can you not feel my wrath?"

Of course the Son is innocent. He is blamelessness itself.
The Father knows this. But the divine pair have an agreement, and the unthinkable must now take place.
Jesus will be treated as if personally responsible for every sin ever committed.
The Father watches as his heart's treasure, the mirror-image of himself, sinks drowning into raw, liquid sin. Jehovah's stored rage against humankind from every century explodes in a single direction.
"Father! Father! Why have You forsaken me?!"
But heaven stops its ears.
The Son stares up at the One who cannot, who will not, reach down or reply.
The Trinity had planned it.
The Son endured it.
The Spirit enabled him.
The Father rejected the Son whom He loved. Jesus, the God-man from Nazareth, perished. The Father accepted his sacrifice for sin and was satisfied.

The Rescue was accomplished.


*This leaves me speechless everytime.  You can hardly read through it without stopping and thinking of what the Son of God went through for me and for you....we are sinful people but we are soo soo blessed!  We need Jesus, that is the beginning of the true Gospel. 

20 December 2009

Ugandan Necklaces!

I found these necklaces made by some women in Uganda to raise money for living.  They are actually made out of recycled paper or newspapers, pretty creative huh?  Go here for purchasing a necklace from SUUBI, Light Gives Heat.  They also have bags, t-shirts and other sorts of necklaces in different lengths and color schemes.  I may have to splurge on this one so I can help these women out!!  It's easy to feel guilty in buying "stuff" at walmart where all your money is going towards is people's incomes and the store.  But what is better than giving your money to those who really need it---I get alot of joy out of it and the Lord is honored through it.



04 December 2009

some thoughts and feelings

Wow, I cannot believe the semester is over already.  It has just flown by and it seems like the older I grow and the farther I get in school, the faster time flies by.  I wouldn't say that's always a good thing.  Life goes too fast.  It's weird this semester for me, because I won't be coming back next semester and the reality of that has not hit me and probably won't until i'm in Mali, completely in Mali standing on African dirt!  I'm nervous, I'm excited, I'm scared, I'm ready for a new change of lifestyle and I'm ready to experience something new.  I've always had the mindset that I just want to experience because our life is too short to just stay in the same place and do all the same things.  Culture fascinates me and the way that God has made every single person unique and one of a kind.  To me, I have this thought, or maybe a desire from the Lord: I believe that by reaching into other cultures, studying them and living with them to build relationships, we can learn a lot more about God than we ever knew.  We can see how he works through other cultures on the other side of the world.  We begin to see His real character and what His heart is really for in this broken world.  It makes my heart burn with passion to know this.  Through entering another culture completely opposite of ours is definitely a challenge; but I have begun to recognize that God is still the SAME wherever we go!  We think He's gonna be a little bit different in this other country, or so maybe I thought that.  But I have seen Him in a different light when overseas.  In Swaziland I recognized His voice clearly.  I find myself searching for His voice in the states and it is more challenging to hear Him here.  Why?  Could it be distractions? Well, yes it could, but I think there's something there.  I think that where He calls people to, every single person, we feel Him much more intimately in that place.  That was my experience, maybe not everyone's though.  I can't wait to see what He's going to show me in the upcoming months.  It's almost scary because once you are shown the unknown, you can't go back; you've heard it and seen it and now you are obligated to do something about it.  If you ignore it after you've been exposed to it, you are sinning before you're Heavenly Father.  Obedience, obedience, obedience...

 








23 November 2009

T-shirts

We sold t-shirts to help raise funds for our Mali team. It went well, and I'm really lovin' them. Fund the Nations is a great place to work with if you need sweet designs, on a budget, and need a bunch for a group (esp mission-oriented). Now its time to ship them out to those who have been waiting so kindly for them!


17 November 2009


My dream keeps coming back...dropping out of nursing school the first time wasn't the end of it even though I thought it was. This is what i want to do; my goal and passion.

Deliver Me---David Crowder Band

Deliver me out of the sadness
Deliver me from all the madness
Deliver me courage to guide me
Deliver me Your strength inside me

CHORUS:
All of my life
I've been in hiding
Wishing there was someone just like You
Now that You're here
Now that I've found You
I know that You're the One to pull me through

Deliver me loving and caring
Deliver me giving and sharing
Deliver me this cross that I'm bearing

Oh, deliver me

Jesus, Jesus how I trust You
How I've proved You o'er and o'er
Jesus, Jesus precious Jesus
Deliver me
Come and pull me through
Come pull me through

01 November 2009

marin beth


Look at this baby girl. She is SO precious, and words cant even describe her. I actually had the wonderful opportunity of watching Marin Beth be delivered by the doctor (who was so cool by the way). I watched the whole thing. I even held my sister's one leg as well as cut the umbilical cord!! I was so amazing to be a part of and i'm so thankful my sister didn't mind that I was in there! I'm absolutely in love with babies more than children; so I could take care of a baby, but a child takes a bit more work AND they look up to you (yikes). I can't wait to have children!


I love you baby girl; if only you knew how many people want to hold you, kiss you, and are lovin' on you all the time!!

30 October 2009

fighting

I've discovered that depression can be a complete physical thing or maybe its more of a spiritual thing. Well, I've come up with both for me. It's physical because of the chemical imbalance of seratonin and norepeniphrine. But it's spiritual because it's very much a "mind" game. Satan likes to use this to keep people distracted from what God wants them to do to be of service to others. I don't believe God gives it to us, but He allows it to happen so that we draw closer to Him, we are strengthened, and who knows maybe someday I will be used because of what I've gone through. It's a day-to-day sort of thing. It's not i have a "bad week", its more like i had a bad day and then a good day. I've discovered the one thing Satan is doing in my life is trying to keep me down telling myself I am no good and could never do mission work. He is keeping me down so that I will not go, anything to keep me from serving the Lord with all my heart. At first, it's easy to buy into, but after going through it once already I decided I am going to fight it. I know exactly how it affects me. I'm not sure why it came on now. Whether it's seasonal, it runs in my family, and I think alot of it has to do with still dealing with re-entry and not being where my heart is. I can't believe how much it has affected me. I'm getting through it and still trusting in where the Lord is leading me. He knows what He's doing...I really have no idea, and I'd rather trust Him than myself since I don't know everything.

14 October 2009

This week has been such a bland week. Nothing exciting has happened. I haven't been hearing God's voice very clearly but all I get is "wait"...."wait on Me". Sometimes I just get tired of that "w" word. Why is it always "wait" in my life? Selfish I am, yes. Individualistic I am, yes. Lord I am so ashamed of my arrogance, my self-centeredness and my life wanting "all about me". But today, I just want to be invisible. I just want to go back to bed and hide under my covers. No one bother me. School gets into such a boring routine. Every Monday is the same. Every Thursday is the same, you get the picture. Nothing different. I want change! And it couldn't come any faster! February is right around the corner and that will be change, but I'm not so sure I'm ready for that either. I feel like I've just been hit with a "quiet" season in the Lord. He's there but He's silent now. Lord I need You. I have so much going on this week. A paper I want to be meaningful and I have no ideas for it. A speaking session to junior high kids about my testimony and call to missions and on Swaziland and I'm not prepared yet.

just make me invisible Lord, please

06 October 2009

For My Love---Bethany Dillon

My new favorite song :) Of course as a romance song with my Savior

Walk towards me

I want to hear
The heavens singing over you
When you breathe
And look at me
I want to be captured by you

Gaze into my eyes
And let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Just ask me for my love

I want to hide
What’s deep in my eyes
I’m scared to be known by you
But when I turn my head
And see you there
I want to be pursued

Gaze into my eyes
And let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Just ask me for my love

A dream I won’t wake from
A story that will never end
The ground your feet walk on
Let me be there, let me be there

Gaze into my eyes
Let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Just ask me for my love

Gaze into my eyes
Let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Ask me for my love

03 October 2009

surrender all of it

The process of surrendering it all....
I'm not sure of how I feel about that at this moment. I've come to an understanding that we cannot be fully satisfied and filled with Christ until we surrender everything to Him. Not surrender in the way most people think---if i give this up now, you better give it back to me later. No. We are surrendering. Giving it up even if we don't get it back. I'm in the process of studying and surrendering an area of my life each week. Everything is included...you name it. Don't forget to ask God to reveal to you other areas as well; He did that immediately with me and these are just the few areas of my life-long process of surrendering ahead of me: friends, family, marriage, decisions, dreams, the mission field, etc.
This is just the beginning...stay updated for more :)

29 September 2009

re-entry

Re-entry has been difficult. More difficult than I expected and more difficult than I wanted it to be. It has completely changed everything around me, the way I feel and act, and my entire life. I would say that is a positive thing most of the time.

I've learned a lot just by being back in America. Reverse culture shock didn't hit me right away. Nothing hit me right away, which worried me at first. I was expecting it to be difficult to come home that first week or two, but it wasn't. I missed Swaziland but that was the only difficulty I had.

Where am I at now? Well it is just about the beginning of October and I have been struggling with the whole concept of "re-entry"---the transition from the mission field to being back at home no matter what length you were gone. It came so subtly which is why I didn't understand what was happening at first. I was lonely (not physically b/c i live in the dorms and have friends here), but a different sort of loneliness I can't really explain. I felt like I had multiple bad days as in my whole life was just becoming dark and gloomy. I had no desire to communicate with God and have devotions with Him. I was miserable and so confused. Friends even said I was different and something wasn't right. I wasn't happy and I am still not happy. Going home did refresh things, but after being back within two days, the whole situation has kicked in again. And I'm miserable and don't know what to do about it.

Some things have changed. God has opened up my eyes and given me a desire to seek after Him again. I've come to the conclusion that He is all I need and I'm focusing on Him and Him alone. How hard it is though...so many distractions Satan throws my way to throw me off guard.

But, this weekend, God answered my prayer and determining what was going on with me. He used another friend to show me that I was just hit with the whole "re-entry" thing. I knew that, but somewhat was indenial of it. I thought it had passed already. There are so many days I just want to be alone or be done with what I'm doing. I'm unhappy in the dorms. I'm unhappy in school. I'm unhappy in Omaha...

God I need You and I'm crying out for YOU now at this time and place. Please move in me ---whatever You need to do.

15 September 2009

new LIFE theme

Don't

sacrifice

God's calling

for

any

man

12 September 2009

direction...?

I miss you all so much. I can't help but wonder many times daily what you are up to. Are you safe? Are you getting fed? Are you loved...? A part of me says we need to be there ( I need to be there) to make everything okay, but yet I'm just me. I can't do much in my own power. I have to really let God take this from me- its okay to miss them, its okay to pray for them; but let God love them and take care of them for me. Just as He spoke to me while I was there many times saying "Take care of them for me"...well, in which way? By being in the America---that's not exactly how I pictured taking care of them. But maybe you have other plans for me in a different way I haven't discovered yet.
I'm still searching for direction. God has laid Africa right on the deepest spot of my heart. It'd be foolish to think that He didn't want me there because He has shown me again and again. Two months in the middle of God's will isn't ENOUGH! It's just not...there's gotta be more time.
So I'm discovering that I can help Africans right in my own city. You'd think Omaha is a "white" American city, but its not. There's more diversity than you think. You just have to get involved and that's what I'm doing. My practicum for this semester is going to be observing/experiencing/tagging along with how Lutheran Family Services works with refugees who have just flown into Omaha to get them settled into how to live in an American society. What a challenge, yet it kinda feels like I'm headed towards a "home" direction (you may not understand that, but I do).

I have alot to figure out. I have plenty of time, but its gonna be gone in a flash. When I get back from Mali in August 2010, do I move into an apartment with my friend and hope I stick around in Omaha for more than just that school year? Will I go on and get a 2-year health degree to have some more education under my belt? Do I look immediately for a mission agency to be sent from overseas, or do I find a mission-training school type program? There are so many possiblities yet I know God is going to show me with time, what direction He desires for me. Even though God has His plans and His will, He also says sometimes "you choose"...and sometimes it doesn't matter which direction or door you open as long as you live your life to serve Him---thats all He wants from us (of course love too hehe).
So there's Africa Inland Mission. Definitely sounds like a good direction. There's Medical Assitant education/training for I think 2 years. Then I would have a good solid education and could find a good job and have some decent pay until I knew when I would be going overseas. That makes total sense, yet is healthcare really what I want to focus on? I'm not really so sure anymore. I thought I was, but often times it is and it isn't at the same time. Then there's a mission training school my friend will be going through in like a year which sounds really good too. Hmmm...why so many options! If it sounds like i'm worried, scratch that off. I'm not. I'm looking for direction and you have to start by viewing all your options. It's just a start...I think God will open my eyes up to some new things and new desires while I'm in Mali. Maybe I'll have some good solid direction when I get back!

Ahhh, the joys of waiting upon the Lord. He is so worth it because He is the Lord of the Universe and the Creator of all things. Thank you for teaching me patience...even though I still struggle. Your grace is enough!

04 September 2009

Mali t-shirts


The design is made! My Mali-Edge 2010 Team is selling t-shirts as part of raising some money for this trip next February. They are a regular t-shirt but we were told have a softer-vintage material look. We have not seen them so we are using our best judgement praying they will turn out well once we order them after everyone pre-orders. T-shirts are $18. If you don't live near the area, contact me and I will let you know where to send the check to (write checks out to Amanda Larsen). Enjoy!



23 August 2009

come to the Living Water and you'll thirst no more

Life is so frustrating and complicated sometimes. I was soo excited to move back into school, but I now discovered it was because I missed my friends. I don't think it was because I wanted to actually move back here. The days have been really unusually slow with nothing to do. Homework hasn't picked up yet, and at the moment I feel like I'm wasting my life. It's hard after coming back from Africa and trying to pick up where I left off here in America. And I've only been gone for 2 months...imagine what it will do to me to be gone 6 months in Mali...am I able to even come back?! But its such a strange feeling. I finally began to call Omaha "home" too and after getting back here, or even being in the states in general, I feel disconnected like this isn't my home nor do I fit into the wealthy American Christian life anymore. I'm so sick of it. I know that my home is not on this earth but waiting for me in eternity with Jesus Christ. Something is missing though. Even though many times I don't feel like I was changed this summer, I feel that missing piece. I'm not enjoying being back at school with my friends- sure I love them, but I love the Lord more and I want to please Him more. I have such a thirst and desire to follow God and to listen to His voice, but its soo hard to hear Him HERE. Why is that? Even the convictions are huge- going to walmart to buy needless things, eating out and spending $10 on a meal which could feed a family a couple nights I'm sure, and just spending money on anything like it doesn't matter. I try and tell myself it doesn't matter and its not that big of deal because thats just how American economy and culture runs...but I'm done with excuses. God is doing something inside of me and I can't figure it out. He's made me uncomfortable here. I want to be uncomfortable there. This gets a little confusing and you may not understand, but I am sick of being comfortable in the states...uncomfortableness has become a small part of my life I want to keep on living in. Even though this is comfortable America, I'm not comfortable here b/c I want more. In the desires and passions God has placed in my heart, I feel as if I stay in America, I'm settling....and I can't settle. I DON'T WANT THAT! And, I can't take it. I am not putting down those who want to stay in America...God does call EVERY BELIEVER to "GO" and make Disciples but whether that means overseas or here in their hometown...and every person who does go overseas isn't always called to "stay" there either. I'm so glad i'm going back to Africa in February...I might be able to make it until then...I hate feeling like something is missing in my life, in my heart, in my soul, yet I can't figure out what it is. It has gotten to the point where i'm just plain frustrated and mad. Am I mad at myself or at the world? What am I really mad about? How can I make it through this semester without taking my own frustrations God has let me struggle with and grow through and not taken them out on my friends and everyone else around me? At this point, I am just so unhappy.

God just quiet my heart again and speak to me. Show me how I can find you in a world of distractions, wealth, and ungodliness. You deserve so much more because You are so worthy! YOUR beauty makes me stand in silence...

07 August 2009

TOMS


Yes, I know what you are thinking. "I WANT A PAIR OF THOSE"...well check 'em out at (click on the link in the title)...When you buy one pair, they give one to a child in need---ONE FOR ONE...its such a good cause and they are sooo cute. I also ordered a pair of dark grey canvas shoes as well. They are a bit pricey but so worth it. And I took a picture of them...hehe I guess I'm a photographer at heart :) hehe

05 August 2009

emotions

I just about lost it last night. Even though I have been editing my pictures and looking at all of them multiple times for over a week now, I crumbled within a couple minutes. I was on facebook for quite a while last night because I had nothing to do but stuff to get done on the computer so I let anyone talk to me. I finally put up some of my favorite pictures of the children I had become close to. Friends began commenting on them and I was in a few conversations about being there as well. A friend had told me what a blessing I was to be in her life, and I was thinking back to being over there by running the motions of each step through my mind. The tears began to flow. I decided to go to bed not too long after and couldn't take a hold on my emotions. Everything hit me- the joy, the smiles I still see on their faces, their torn clothing, the smell, their unbathed bodies, their malnourished stomachs, their giggles and singing songs, when a child knew "Jesus loves me" and thats the only way we connected, the injustice of the world, the brokenness that is everywhere, feeling what Christ really feels in what happens to His children, the atmosphere, the driven passion to follow God anywhere, and the hope that Jesus still does what He says and holds all His children in His hands.

I can't imagine living any other way. How sweet the love of Jesus to take our place, die for us, give us the chance to be connected to His Father, and still want to personally be involved in each one of our lives even though we rebel against Him and will always through our sinful nature.

"Kindness" by Chris Tomlin

Open up the skies of mercy
And rain down the cleansing flood
Healing waters rise around us
Hear our cries Lord let 'em rise
Open up the skies of mercy
And rain down the cleansing flood
Healing waters rise around us
Hear our cries Lord let 'em rise

It's Your kindness Lord
That leads us to repentance
Your favor Lord, is our desire
It's Your beauty Lord that makes us stand in silence
Your love

Your love
Is better than life

We can feel
Your mercy falling
You are turnin our hearts back again
Hear our praises rise to heaven
Draw us near Lord
Meet us here

Chorus


[Prayer]
Lord,
We stand here,
As the desperate people

Hungry for the things of You
Come quiet the storms,
That rage all around us
So that we
hear the passion that beats through your heart
Spirit put healing in our hands
Put life in our words
And drive a passion
For the lost deep
In the hearts of your people
Inhabit the praises of us
Through children
And father send us out


With a reckless passion
Deliver us from evil
And set a standard of unity
To break down laws
And to heal Your people
Unity is the cry of your church, Lord
Reconsile the children to the fathers
And with forgiveness and mercy
Rush through the hearts of our land

We cry out our deep need for You, Jesus
Oh God come in power and bring glory to Your Name

**
It gets me everytime. "It's your beauty Lord that makes us stand in silence"...
the line right there makes me speechless and again reminds me how much thirst I have for the Most High King, giving me more of His desires and passions everyday, showing me what breaks His heart, and guiding me with every footstep.



02 August 2009

Photo Album

So if you would like to see a little bit of what I have been up to this summer, check out this photo album. A little bit of everything. I'm sure I will add more pics to it as time allows, and possibly add more links to albums in the future! Enjoy! :)

(You may have to get a snapfish account as well to view)

http://www2.snapfish.com/thumbnailshare/AlbumID=1868935013/a=87189390_87189390/

01 August 2009

the moments you long to be back where your heart is

Even after being home for three days, God reminds me over and over where my heart is at. I still don't see the change He has done in me, but I also haven't been doing anything active yet. At the moment I'm editing my thousands of pictures, preparing my presentations, and writing my next mission support letter. I don't think I even brought it home with me. God continues to confirm to me over and over that the mission field is where He is planning on leading me. He keeps on opening up doors and showing me His footsteps to follow closely behind. I play the faces and the smiles in my mind over and over like its a permanent video. The kids screaming and running after bubbles likes its candy, or "if you want to play make a big circle," and then of course the moment that always fills me up- when I can pick up a child, or he/she comes to sit on my lap and just hold them until they fall asleep. It happened so many times, but there was one girl who really hit me deep. I don't know her name because she was so shy and wouldn't respond, but she was content with sleeping on my lap. (Alot of the younger ones have never seen white people before and many of them just end up crying or walking away). The photo below is one of my teammates Becca, who was in my small ministry group to this specific carepoint. Check out the video of the kiddos going crazy for the bubbles!




31 July 2009

journal entry- God speaks

Why am "I" blessed? Why was "I" chosen to be born in America where most children have both of their parents, and where we have an abundance and never-ending supply of necessities, clothes, shoes, healthcare, education, food and clean-safe water? There's a reason and a purpose for that...because God has a reason for everything and He has a plan for you and for me and the place I have been raised (US) can be used for BIGGER and BETTER things---sharing our resources and being Christ to all other nations. But what does it mean to really be "blessed"? That we have more stuff? I don't think so.

I was sitting at breakfast during our de-brief week in Swaziland and happened to fade out of what was going around me and basically day-dreamed. We all do it. Then were the thoughts...at which first I thought were just my own, but I discovered that I cant come up with such a thought on my own and it has God's truth written all over it. So I immediately wrote it down so that I wouldn't forget...

God said, "What if those who are called "blessed" (by the world's standards) are not, and those who are not called "blessed," (by the world's standards) really are...?"

It's such a simple statement but requires so much thinking.

See, we have so much stuff and use it for granted thinking the whole world lives the way we do. What if the most blessed people are actually those living in mud huts whom know and have given their lives to follow Jesus? What if the "blessed" people in the world are the ones who rely on God solely for providing because they have nothing left, or those who rely on His healing hand for comfort because they are dying and have no pain medication? Don't you think those people are the "blessed" people of the world? They know what it really means to have to trust in the Lord for their next meal.

I don't think we could ever understand something like that based on the way we are surrounded by wealth and have grown up with it. It's a whole new level, a whole new world.

Mt 5:3-10:
"Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
6Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

James 5:1-6
"Now listen, you rich people, weep and wail because of the misery that is coming upon you. Your wealth has rotted, and moths have eaten your clothes. Your gold and silver are corroded. Their corrosion will testify against you and eat your flesh like fire. You have hoarded wealth in the last days. Look! The wages you failed to pay the workmen who mowed your fields are crying out against you. The cries of the harvesters have reached the ears of the Lord Almighty. You have lived on earth in luxury and self-indulgence. You have fattened yourselves in the day of slaughter. You have condemned and murdered innocent men, who were not opposing you."


21 July 2009

last update in swazi

Friends and Family,

I believe this is the 5th update, but definitely the last while i'm in country...Wow, so many things have happened that i cant even remember them all nor tell you everything.

We ended our last week in Nsoko this past Saturday...On Friday we killed a cow-right up close and personal and I actually volunteered to help cut the throat, but after I actually saw all this going on, i definitely changed my mind. Soon after though they began skinning the cow which I helped with. THEN I got my camera out (with clean hands of course) and took sweet pictures! I know you just have all always wanted to see the inside of a cow. All I have to say is that I will never look at a cow the same way again. All I see is the cow lying there with its tongue hanging out and its insides being pulled out to be cooked by the go-go's (grandmothers). Anyways, it was for a good cause. We invited all the kids and gogos from our carepoints (8 carepoints) and everyone else that we met or saw that week we invited to come on Saturday to eat with us. There were so many people. A couple hundred children (orphans) and lots of go-gos.

All I can say is that it was probably the most meaningful day. I was even more excited because the little girl that I have fallen in love with wasn't at the carepoint on our last day of going, but she was there on Saturday. She doesn't talk...but she sure does smile. She's probably about 2. I do have pictures...but I will never forget her smile. It's changed me. I've always wanted to adopt. I know that having your own children is a blessing and miracle in itself....but the more I look around and see these children, I realize that why keep on having our own kids when there are so many kids around the world who are already born who NEED PARENTS or even "a" parent. I've even been having dreams about adopting...its kinda crazy. Now obviously, I wont adopt anytime soon..but it is in my heart and continues to grow there. I keep asking God to give me His heart and His desires. He is doing that. I want that little girl...(tears). Even if I dont get married, I would still be willing to be a parent. They need us. Except, foreign adoptions aren't allowed in Swaziland as of this moment. I know it has happened before through God's miraculous power...but as of now its not legal. How sad.

So anyways we fed tons of people on Saturday and had our own little party with our friends/translators and the pastor and his family that evening.

How thankful I am to have water again, when we dont have running water. How thankful I am to even have warm water for a couple minutes, when we've only had hot water. My body is lacking so many nutrients that by eating 5 pieces of pizza last night in less than 10 minutes just killed me!! I need vitamins and everything else! Oh how much I yearn for healthy food. I yearn for space, but I would give all this up easily to follow Christ somewhere else. As I continue to go on mission trips-short term- I picture myself there for long-term and ask myself If I could live there...here in Swaziland..could I love here? My answer is yes..without a doubt. "What if You dont like Africa?" many have asked me....ha FALSE. I'm so in love with these people, with this continent. They have grabbed my heart. I expected to be broken and wrecked..and even though I haven't been here....I may feel it at home when i'm gone from it.

Well we have debrief this week. Sunday we are going to Kruger Safaris- one of the biggest in the world..and then Monday night we fly out. I'll be home on Wednesday! See you all soon.

Can't wait to share my next opportunity with you- Mali 2010.

Amanda Larsen

12 June 2009

swazi update 1

Friends and Family,

Wow has it been crazy here. My team and I are staying out in a small town of Nsoko...we're actually out in the boonies haha! It does not seem like i am in africa...it seems like a dream, or a play I am "acting" in...but the children are oh so real! You have no idea how much a child needs attention and love until you are with those who dont get any. I look into their eyes and just feel Jesus saying to me over and over "Take care of them for me"....but how can i do that when i'm only here for two months...get very attached and then just leave? It's not fair.

We visit carepoints around the area twice a week and we either do a bible lesson or games or songs or just play with them...most of them love us...the younger ones aren't always sure about us white people though b/c some of them have never seen white people. I can't imagine what that would be like haha!

We just did our first home visits yesterday...we walked around from house to house and invited ourselves over to get to know the people of this area (very spread out). It's culturally acceptable to invite yourself over to people's homes here...very opposite of the states. I love it here. God is so powerful and just so good. We are now seeing the pain and the hurt in the mother's eyes....many of the kids dont even have go-go's to take care of them...i wonder where they go at night time. Most of them just hang out on our doorstep all them time just waiting for someone to come out and hold their hand, play with them, hug them, chase them, you name it...they are oh so precious.

My big desire of this trip was for it to change me eternally and dramatically...i dont want to fall back into everything else again when i get home...especially the comforts which will be next to impossible. I have asked God over and over to break my heart. But reality has not hit me yet, and i dont think it will till i get home. To think that these children we are actually holding have no parents or anyone to take care of them...or just sit and wait to be fed once a day doesn't even hit me in my mind. Its like i can't soak this reality in....but I know God is doing powerful things. It does seem hopeless though...it seems like there is nothing we can do besides pray and play with them and build relationships. We're here for about 6 more weeks, then we leave....whats next for them? Whose gonna be there when we leave?

As i think about being at home from such a different place then the states...i pour my heart out..and the tears begin to flow. I cannot imagine going home at this point...I just cant!

Please pray for the nation before it is non-existent. By 2050, the nation will be gone if we dont step in. People are dying faster then they are being born. It is unfathomable. I dont understand it at all. Pray for their souls...

Hope to update in the next week or two! Have a great week all!

Amanda

28 May 2009

here i go

Alright, so here is my last update before I leave for Atlanta/Swaziland, until I can update you again when I am in Swaziland. My nerves are setting in, mostly because I have never flown by myself and although I can't control the flights, I pray it goes smoothly and I wont miss my next flight due to mechanical problems or weather. Team unity is a big thing that we all need to strive for and pray for---it is the only way we will make it through and make a TRUE impact in Swazi. It's gonna be quite an experience...I want to more than anything reach other people than for myself to be changed. Although sometimes you don't have to try and change yourself and your heart, it just kinda flows when you are in such a place and God begins to break up all those layers of flesh and just mold you into His beautiful masterpiece. I know without a doubt I will be changed internally and spiritually, on the outside you may not be able to tell, but you will see my heart when you talk to me. I pray I will be an outstanding example that the Swazi people would see us for representing Christ, not just ourselves...

Here I go. What an adventure and journey it will be. I wake up at 2am. Leave at 3am. Fly out at 5:45am. Get to Atlanta at 10:50am.

Will update as soon as possible....and can't wait to share my PICTURES! :)

IN CHRIST

24 May 2009

Swazi '09- - -Mali '10

It's been kinda crazy planning for two amazing trips at one time. While getting packed up and ready to leave for Swaziland, South Africa, I am prepping with "homework" and assignments for Mali, West Africa 2010. Mali is a part of my major, a requirement to graduate with an Intercultural Studies Degree. It is a 6-month study abroad program with Grace University that prepares students for ministry either back home or on the mission field someday, while immersing ourselves in the culture and learning how to communicate whether you can speak the language fluently or not. Mali is about 95% Muslim, or close to, and they speak French (officially) and Bambara as well as other tribal languages among the country. It is mostly desert as well. Oh, and the time we will be there (Feb-Aug 2010) it is about 100-110 degrees F, daily. But our bodies will adjust to it pretty quickly. My team consists of 5 girls and 1 guy. He sure is going to learn alot with being the only male among us, but he'll grow through it I'm sure of it.

"Homework" consists of reading a book and posting answers to questions online, reading the Mali Travel Guide, taking free online french lessons to start practicing and familiarizing ourselves before we take french in August. Oh and getting a start on my support letter which I would send out in June or July but have to wait till I get back in August and it actually gets typed out and edited, mailed, and sealed!

I keep finding myself comparing the two countries. Swaziland's official language is English as well as siSwati, so in this way it'll be much easier than Mali. Swaziland also has about 40% of their country classified as Christianity, but alot of it is mixed in with ancestral worship and other practices (which is wear my team comes in). Swaziland will be all about playing, caring and loving, and doing whatever we can for the hundreds of orphans we will come into contact with. Maybe some construction, sharing the gospel with anyone and everyone, hospitals, schools, etc. In Mali, we will be taking 18 credit hours through either our own professors, the local missionaries, or one of the local professors there- Joseph Camara. It's about one class a month on estimation. Plus we will be "trying" to speak the little French we know and learning some Bambara as well. We will also be in ministry with wherever we want to help. The heat won't be much help either. Cooking with different ingredients and non-American utensils, we will be making our own meals each day. Washing laundry by hand and whatnot.

I want the challenge though. As long as God keeps the door propped open, I'm stepping forward. I pray after raising support for Swaziland (nearly $5,000 I received), that this would not be a burden to raising for Mali. I pray that God will still survive in the crazy ways He always does. I pray I would continue to seek Him and have faith in the mountains He moves in peoples' lives all the time. I pray He would give my parents faith as well to trust it will come if it's His will.

Please pray for me too.

23 May 2009

siSwati language

So I'm trying to learn some siSwati phrases before I head to training camp next Friday. Hopefully I can learn some of their language and maybe that would influence them to think we really do care about people on the other side of the world. :) Here are some of the phrases:

Sawubona-------->Hello
Unjani?-------->How are you? (singular)
Ninjani?------->How are you? (plural)
Kusile------>Good Morning.
Ngiyabonga------------>Thank You
(U)ngubani ligama lakho?-------->What is your name?
Ligama lami ngu...---------->My name is...
Sala kahle------->Goodbye/Stay well
Hamba kahle-------->Go well
Ngiyaphila------->I am well
Ngidziniwe----->I am tired
Ngijabulile------->I am happy
Angiphili------>I am not well
Ncesi------->Sorry/Excuse me
Kulungile-------->It's okay
Yebo----->Yes
No----->Cha
Ngicela uphindze------>Repeat please
Shano kancane, ngiyacela------->Say is slowly please


And of course there are a bunch more I could add. Hmmm...maybe I should make it my goal to know these and say these by the time I leave. What do you think? Oh yea, and I can't forget to start on my French lessons for my Mali 2010 Edge Team!

SIX DAYS!


20 May 2009

trip preparations

Oh, packing is a blast! Ha, not really! I have been buying little by little for weeks now and setting everything else as I decide what clothes to bring that I "need" and not just want. It's kind of a difficult task. I've never packed so lightly before with everything fitting into one suitcase (no more than 50 lbs), but I sure know these clothes will be well worn when I come back at the end of July! But I also know that it will be so much easier to live. Don't worry about your hair, how you look or anything else because that is what is the least important to God or anyone going to Swaziland. That's not the purpose. But lighter packing means less comfort in living. We're leaving the comfortable lifestyle of the typical American and giving it up (for the summer at this point). Bucket showers, sleeping bags, skirts (yuck), no blowdryers or hair straighteners, little or no makeup whatsoever, many many many weird bugs and african animals, but the one thing that holds me together and gives me peace- our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. They say that passion isn't enough to follow your dreams sometimes. The passion may die down. If orphans are your passion its not enough. Well what do they say? Your passion has to be JESUS. When it comes down to the bottom of things, it all has to lead back to Jesus as our ultimate passion, ultimate guide, ultimate leader, ultimate desire, and our one true LOVE. He is the one that is going to keep us going. It is something I have been recently thinking about and studying.

19 May 2009

literally 10 days away...
my heart is pounding
my emotions are going crazy
and I am starting to feel the nerves...

17 May 2009

There is a Redeemer

There is a redeemer,
Jesus, God's own son,
Precious lamb of god, messiah,
Holy one.

Jesus my Redeemer,
Name above all names,
Precious Lamb of God, Messiah,
Oh, for sinners slain.

Thank you oh my Father,
For giving us your Son,
And leaving your Spirit,
til the work on earth is done.

When I stand in glory,
I will see his face,
And there I'll serve my King forever,
In that Holy place.

14 May 2009

11 May 2009

the Wait

Being at home for three weeks without a job or anything "productive" or "meaningful" to do, is a huge change. I'm so used to being busy with my job and schoolwork and being surrounded by my best friends. It is lonely. I feel almost worthless at times. I should be spending these times intensely and intimately with Christ to prepare for the trip ahead and draw closer to Him, but yet I don't. One of my teammates reminded me that we need to relax once in a while. Yes that is true, but it got to me. I hate being in silence and always want something to do. A day of rest is fine for me, but after that I would like to be back in the routine with something that I need to do that needs to be done. It motivates me and keeps me on track. But, I need to learn to just relax and spend this time fully with the Lord.

If I had movies on Africa and AIDS and orphans, I would spend my days watching them, thinking, and praying...

I watch alot of sermons on youtube that keep me going and growing in different areas of my life. Alot of conviction, which is the work of the Holy Spirit. At times like this I feel like my life is on hold and I'm waiting around for something, which I am, but I shouldn't be carelessly lounging around. I should be doing something for God's Kingdom, right?

**Check these videos out if you want to hear some great insight from some Godly men.
http://braveheartedgospel.com/Thots/Archive.html
OR search "David Wilkerson" or "Paul Washer" on youtube.com.

I know that by the time the day comes when I leave for Africa, I'm going to want to wish I had more time to prepare and pray for the next two months. I'm gonna wish I did that. So I am committing myself to doing it, now, tomorrow, and the rest of the 18 days I have to myself.

02 May 2009

Love, Dad


I absolutely love this picture I found. It is truth.
Read. Understand. Seek.


27 days

30 April 2009

Swazi Countdown

29 days

Guard your hearts

Dear Ladies:

There are two kinds of men: Godly men and worldly men. What kind of man do you want? I'm betting most of you said a Godly man. Someday, you want to marry a man who loves God with every fiber of his being because he will be an excellent husband and father. He will honor and be true only to you. Most women want a Godly man or at least think they do. Well, I think I have found a way to tell you exactly what kind of guy you will get. I don't even have to know you! All I have to do is look at you. The kind of guy you want or will get is advertised by the clothing you wear. Men were created differently than women. They have different desires and priorities. Their eyes and minds react very differently to some things than women do. It isn't disgusting, perverted, or wrong; it is wonderful and good! It is how God made men. It's how they handle the differences that seperate a Godly man from a worldy man."WORLDY MAN--A worldly man doesn't control himself, rather, he looks at anything that attracts his attention or gets him excited. A wordly guy has no problem when girls wear clothes that show off skin, like boxers, high or low cut shirts, low rise jeans, and "cute" little swim-suits. He's a fan of tight-fitting shirts and pants that show off your form, he think they're fine! Worldly guy watches a lot of TV and R-rated movies, isn't really offended by sexual content or nudity and secretly dabbles in pornography. He's a "Christian" and makes up a significant portion of your church and youth group. He's a really nice guy and sees you mainly for your body. If you were to marry a worldly guy, he'd bring lots of baggage into the relationship, have intimacy problems, entertain thoughts of other women, and possibly cheat on you.""GODLY MAN--A Godly man is in control of his drives and desires. He constantly seeks God and reads his Bible. He "walks in the Spirit" and isn't set off by everything he sees. When immodestly-dressed girls, magazine covers, or risque advertisements come into view, Godly guy quickly "bounces his eyes" away from the image. He's constantly guarding his thoughts and what he allows into his mind. He hates being around girls that disrespect him and his struggles by wearing inappropriate attire. A Godly guy doesn't watch much TV and is selective about movies he sees. He views you as a person, knows you, and respects you. He has your best interests in mind and guards against inappropriate thoughts of you. If you were to marry a Godly man, he would give you the emotional attention you need, he would ignore other women and remain faithful to you no matter what." Unfortunately, there are more wordly men than Godly men; and to make matters worse, to the untrained eye, a worldly man looks a lot like a Godly man. So what can you do to only attract a Godly man? Basically, how you dress. The clothes you wear advertise what kind of guy you are looking for. It all comes down to the kind of man you want to spend your time around and eventually marry. You cannot afford to be complacent in this area of your life! You will pay the price someday. This issue isn't limited strictly to you and your future relationship. The way you dress directly affects other men and women and their relationships. You don't see the struggles, pain, tears, and the sin that you cause, but I can promise that you would be shocked if you did! As any Christian young man; we've all seen it. It's kept hidden but it is definitely there. By dressing immodestly, you effectually spit on the struggles of our weaker ranks, appearing to care more about toying with us than helping us. You'll never know how many broken relationships and lifestyles of sin you've contributed to simply by the way you dress. You want to marry a GODLY man someday, well so do many other women. Don't just help yourself and your future, help all women and their relationships by showing discretion in your dress.But remember, for every sacrifice you makek to honor God with your image, Godly men are making sacrifices in their lives that are just as hard, if not harder! They will and do respect you so much for choosing to be modest! A real lady is conscientious of the image she presents and real men want a real lady. What kind of man do you want? There are Godly men out there, even though it doesn't seem like it...wait for one, wait for one that God has chosen for you; you won't regret it at all!! It will be the most amazing love story you could ever want!!

Ladies, guard your hearts!