re-entry

Re-entry has been difficult. More difficult than I expected and more difficult than I wanted it to be. It has completely changed everything around me, the way I feel and act, and my entire life. I would say that is a positive thing most of the time.

I've learned a lot just by being back in America. Reverse culture shock didn't hit me right away. Nothing hit me right away, which worried me at first. I was expecting it to be difficult to come home that first week or two, but it wasn't. I missed Swaziland but that was the only difficulty I had.

Where am I at now? Well it is just about the beginning of October and I have been struggling with the whole concept of "re-entry"---the transition from the mission field to being back at home no matter what length you were gone. It came so subtly which is why I didn't understand what was happening at first. I was lonely (not physically b/c i live in the dorms and have friends here), but a different sort of loneliness I can't really explain. I felt like I had multiple bad days as in my whole life was just becoming dark and gloomy. I had no desire to communicate with God and have devotions with Him. I was miserable and so confused. Friends even said I was different and something wasn't right. I wasn't happy and I am still not happy. Going home did refresh things, but after being back within two days, the whole situation has kicked in again. And I'm miserable and don't know what to do about it.

Some things have changed. God has opened up my eyes and given me a desire to seek after Him again. I've come to the conclusion that He is all I need and I'm focusing on Him and Him alone. How hard it is though...so many distractions Satan throws my way to throw me off guard.

But, this weekend, God answered my prayer and determining what was going on with me. He used another friend to show me that I was just hit with the whole "re-entry" thing. I knew that, but somewhat was indenial of it. I thought it had passed already. There are so many days I just want to be alone or be done with what I'm doing. I'm unhappy in the dorms. I'm unhappy in school. I'm unhappy in Omaha...

God I need You and I'm crying out for YOU now at this time and place. Please move in me ---whatever You need to do.