re-entry

Re-entry has been difficult. More difficult than I expected and more difficult than I wanted it to be. It has completely changed everything around me, the way I feel and act, and my entire life. I would say that is a positive thing most of the time.

I've learned a lot just by being back in America. Reverse culture shock didn't hit me right away. Nothing hit me right away, which worried me at first. I was expecting it to be difficult to come home that first week or two, but it wasn't. I missed Swaziland but that was the only difficulty I had.

Where am I at now? Well it is just about the beginning of October and I have been struggling with the whole concept of "re-entry"---the transition from the mission field to being back at home no matter what length you were gone. It came so subtly which is why I didn't understand what was happening at first. I was lonely (not physically b/c i live in the dorms and have friends here), but a different sort of loneliness I can't really explain. I felt like I had multiple bad days as in my whole life was just becoming dark and gloomy. I had no desire to communicate with God and have devotions with Him. I was miserable and so confused. Friends even said I was different and something wasn't right. I wasn't happy and I am still not happy. Going home did refresh things, but after being back within two days, the whole situation has kicked in again. And I'm miserable and don't know what to do about it.

Some things have changed. God has opened up my eyes and given me a desire to seek after Him again. I've come to the conclusion that He is all I need and I'm focusing on Him and Him alone. How hard it is though...so many distractions Satan throws my way to throw me off guard.

But, this weekend, God answered my prayer and determining what was going on with me. He used another friend to show me that I was just hit with the whole "re-entry" thing. I knew that, but somewhat was indenial of it. I thought it had passed already. There are so many days I just want to be alone or be done with what I'm doing. I'm unhappy in the dorms. I'm unhappy in school. I'm unhappy in Omaha...

God I need You and I'm crying out for YOU now at this time and place. Please move in me ---whatever You need to do.

new LIFE theme

Don't

sacrifice

God's calling

for

any

man

direction...?

I miss you all so much. I can't help but wonder many times daily what you are up to. Are you safe? Are you getting fed? Are you loved...? A part of me says we need to be there ( I need to be there) to make everything okay, but yet I'm just me. I can't do much in my own power. I have to really let God take this from me- its okay to miss them, its okay to pray for them; but let God love them and take care of them for me. Just as He spoke to me while I was there many times saying "Take care of them for me"...well, in which way? By being in the America---that's not exactly how I pictured taking care of them. But maybe you have other plans for me in a different way I haven't discovered yet.

I'm still searching for direction. God has laid Africa right on the deepest spot of my heart. It'd be foolish to think that He didn't want me there because He has shown me again and again. Two months in the middle of God's will isn't ENOUGH! It's just not...there's gotta be more time.

So I'm discovering that I can help Africans right in my own city. You'd think Omaha is a "white" American city, but its not. There's more diversity than you think. You just have to get involved and that's what I'm doing. My practicum for this semester is going to be observing/experiencing/tagging along with how Lutheran Family Services works with refugees who have just flown into Omaha to get them settled into how to live in an American society. What a challenge, yet it kinda feels like I'm headed towards a "home" direction (you may not understand that, but I do).

I have alot to figure out. I have plenty of time, but its gonna be gone in a flash. When I get back from Mali in August 2010, do I move into an apartment with my friend and hope I stick around in Omaha for more than just that school year? Will I go on and get a 2-year health degree to have some more education under my belt? Do I look immediately for a mission agency to be sent from overseas, or do I find a mission-training school type program? There are so many possiblities yet I know God is going to show me with time, what direction He desires for me. Even though God has His plans and His will, He also says sometimes "you choose"...and sometimes it doesn't matter which direction or door you open as long as you live your life to serve Him---thats all He wants from us (of course love too hehe).

So there's Africa Inland Mission. Definitely sounds like a good direction. There's Medical Assitant education/training for I think 2 years. Then I would have a good solid education and could find a good job and have some decent pay until I knew when I would be going overseas. That makes total sense, yet is healthcare really what I want to focus on? I'm not really so sure anymore. I thought I was, but often times it is and it isn't at the same time. Then there's a mission training school my friend will be going through in like a year which sounds really good too. Hmmm...why so many options! If it sounds like i'm worried, scratch that off. I'm not. I'm looking for direction and you have to start by viewing all your options. It's just a start...I think God will open my eyes up to some new things and new desires while I'm in Mali. Maybe I'll have some good solid direction when I get back!

Ahhh, the joys of waiting upon the Lord. He is so worth it because He is the Lord of the Universe and the Creator of all things. Thank you for teaching me patience...even though I still struggle. Your grace is enough!

New SpringWidget

Get this widget!

Mali t-shirts

The design is made! My Mali-Edge 2010 Team is selling t-shirts as part of raising some money for this trip next February. They are a regular t-shirt but we were told have a softer-vintage material look. We have not seen them so we are using our best judgement praying they will turn out well once we order them after everyone pre-orders. T-shirts are $18. If you don't live near the area, contact me and I will let you know where to send the check to (write checks out to Amanda Larsen). Enjoy!